Kids are nothing if not predictable. They will find a way to make every single situation more difficult, expensive, and irritating than it would otherwise be. It's a good thing we love them so much. Otherwise? We'd want to kill them ...

1. Children always fall asleep early for the sitter who gets paid by the hour to entertain them.

2. Bed wetting only occurs immediately after the sheets have been washed, and similarly, pooping always occurs in a brand new diaper.

3. Children inevitably rise earlier on the weekends than the weekdays. By hours.

4. The day you specially prepare their most favorite meal, they will suddenly hate that particular food, but whatever YOU are eating, the kids will suddenly find irresistible and you will be forced to share.

5. Only once in their ballet outfit, car-seat, or snowsuit will they suddenly have to pee so bad.

6. Dated hand-me-downs stay clean, but expensive, special occasion outfits get trashed the first time they’re worn. And brand new tights never get more than one wearing.

7. On the night your child throws up, he/she will have consumed something with red or purple dye in it. Always.

8. The moment you grab the video camera to document a milestone or precious moment, they’ve moved on to other things.

9. Only after a bath will they spit up everywhere, finger paint with spaghetti, or tattoo themselves with mud.

10. Your children will say the cutest things, show off their smarts, and be completely charming as long as no one else is around. But as soon as Grandma comes over, there is no way they are doing whatever it was you were dying to show Grandma.

 

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