Many Women Like Their Sons More Than Their Daughters

28

Do you have more than one child? If so, do you have a favorite? If your answer is no, then writer Jeffrey Kluger thinks you're a liar. In a controversial new book, the writer claims that 95 percent of parents have a favorite kid, and those who say they don't? Are lying.

I would have said in a second that I don't have a favorite child. I adore both of my children, my daughter who is 4.5 and my son who is 3 years old. But then I reconsidered. My daughter is a complicated, stormy little girl with very high highs and very low lows. She is a lot like her mom that way. And in those moods, I see things I don't like about myself every day -- the way she turns everything into a drama, her inability to think of anyone but herself, her impatience.

I know it's my job as her mom to guide her to make good decisions and learn more patience, but when I barely have any of my own, that is an awfully tall order. This complicates our relationship.

My son, on the other hand, is simple. He loves me. I love him. There is no complication or confusion in that. It's pure, the kind of love you read about between a mother and a child. It doesn't mean I have a favorite or that I love one more than the other -- after all, there is something exciting about complicated love, too. But it does mean I love them differently. Equal, yes. But different, too.

And as I asked around, I found a common theme. Many moms of one girl and one boy say they feel the same way. The love for the boy is easier. Meanwhile dads seem to feel the love for the girl is easier. There is something about that opposite sex child. It's like we expect them to be different and are less surprised by it.

My daughter and my husband are closer and I am closer with my son. For now. That will (I hope) change over time and I will welcome that when it does. But never for a moment have I ever stopped to quantify my love for either child. There is just no need to do so. Why can't we love both kids the same but differently?

Do we say we love one parent more? How about grandparents? Or friends? Or do we have a "favorite" parent? No. We simply love people in different ways. In fact, at a certain age, it becomes a little immature to refer to someone as a "best friend."

The problem with Kluger's theory is this: There are many different kinds of love. There is no one right way to love each child and there is no need to put a number on either kind. My children are different and my love for them is different, but I don't have a "favorite." They are both my favorites.

Do you have a "favorite" child?

 

boys, girls

28 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

guita... guitarmom1

I think we view the opposite sex child more favorably because we do see ourselves in the same sex child. We are trying to prepare our girls to become women and we know what they are going to face. The men are trying to prepare the boys to become men so they are harder on them. The opposite sex child is easier because we can just enjoy them. 

nonmember avatar me

I hear moms say this, but boys always seems so whiny to me. I've seen too many mamas boys I think. I don't think I could handle a boy.

Wish2Be Wish2Be

There is a saying that daughters are for daddys and sons are for mommies :)


I never wanted a daughter...and I was blessed with a son, but if my next is a girl...dispite my fear and saddness ( due to my own issues as a girl ).....I would like to think that I would "like" and love them equally.

Darlene Wdarlene

Out of our 8 children, we have one daugher.  She is 20 now and as complicated and difficult as she was when she was 2.  We love her dearly-- still, everything is a drama.  Our sons are dearly loved as well, but I've always secretely gave a sign of relief each time the ultrasound confirmed a boy.

LikeA... LikeAVirgin

I have one son and one daughter that are both 6 months old. I love them both SO much but...my little boy is my favorite, and my little girl is her daddy's favorite. Don't get me wrong though, I absolutely adore both of them :)

Rachel Schiller

The more women I meet the happier I am to have all boys. I do want a daughter at some point but I wouldn't be sad if I end up with all boys.

MyMommy MyMommy

I have two of each...and each one is my favorte for different reasons...I guess you could say I love them equally but appreciate them for different characteristics

xavie... xavierlogan09

My mother loved my brother the most and she let us know. She only wanted a boy but got three girls first. I have always heard and been told that boys are easier to raise. I'm very glad to have a son. If I had a daughter too i'd love them both equally and the same amount. 

Pua Smith

I adore both of my babies, but my son (15 months) is soooo difficult; clingy, and yet,  extremely independent, both at exactly the wrong moments. I literally can NOT go shopping with him because he won't sit in the cart, and won't be carried. Allowing him to walk means chasing him all over the store because he refuses to hold hands too. My daughter (2 and a half) is independent, helpful in everyway, a good listener and sweet and intuative. Hopefully this is a phase with my son.


HOWEVER, the way my son wraps his arms around my neck at night or touches my face...I never knew a "man" could love me sooo much and think I was so beautiful, and I never thought I could love a "man" this much. Even his daddy, my husband, has nothing on this little boy. That's a special bond I don't share with my daughter. Even tho she and I do share a special bond, it's just not the same as with him.


But either way, I think my daughter is my favorite.(I absolutely hate saying that! Omg, I feel terrible...)


At least for now....

Delig... DelightfullyMad

Daughters forever! I love having daughters and wouldn't want it any other way. I do love boys, my godson is a doll, but if I could choose my kids' genders and any future kids' genders, girls all the way!

1-10 of 28 comments 123 Last
F