Bullying IS Violence Even Without Fists

on September 22, 2011 at 2:56 PM

There is nothing that could ever make up for what Sirdeaner Walker lost when her 11-year-old son hanged himself over bullying two years ago. There is no amount of money, no big new house, nothing that could ever make things better.

But his two younger siblings, aged 8 and 9, were given a full ride to the University of Massachusetts. Though it doesn't lessen the pain, it will ease some burdens so Walker can focus on her main goal -- ending bullying in the schools once and for all.

Carl Walker Hoover was only 11 when he committed suicide over constant taunts of being gay (he didn't identify as such). His mother went to the school every week, begging them to stop it, but school administrators would chalk it up to student immaturity, and Hoover was too frightened by the bullies to name names. Now, thanks to these scholarships, his brother and sister will have goals to strive for and achieve, but it will never change what happened.

When I was a kid, bullying was just something that happened. Everyone experienced it. My sixth grade was a blur of horrific incidents with the meanest girl in the school who loved me one day and hated me the next. The roller coaster was so stressful, I spent half my time complaining about her to my mom, the school counselor, the principal, and teachers. I was a very assertive little girl.

But those who aren't suffer in silence. And there is no need for an 11-year-old to have to keep complaining about the same thing. The school should have taken it more seriously from the beginning. When I look back on my own situation, this one girl was a common theme with every girl in the sixth grade. There should have been far more done to prevent it. They tried, but back then, bullying wasn't as out in the open as it is today.

Today she would (hopefully) have been expelled from school if it kept up. And if she wasn't expelled, there would have been serious consequences for being so cruel. And many of those laws have changed because of Hoover's mother. She doesn't want to see one more family suffer like she has.

It's moving and shows a generosity of spirit that is humbling. Her son won't be forgotten and his brother and sister will have brighter futures. And, in the end, that is the best one can hope for under the circumstances.

My heart aches for them, but I'm sure they will use their education to make things better.

Did you ever suffer bullying?

Image via Alejandro Hernandez./Flickr

About the author Sasha Brown-Worsham

can't decide whether she is a mother, writer, or runner, but is usually all three at some point each day. She has written for dozens of print magazines, newspapers, and websites. She rarely ever writes on bathroom walls.

Filed Under: bullies

Comments (51)

Mama2MonkeyBoys

on Sep 22, 2011 at 3:07 PM

Bullying wasn't as big an issue when we were kids, because all it took was for that bully to get shot down one time and they stopped. My brother was being bullied, and he just snapped and punched the kid one day, and that was the end of that. I'm not necessarily advocating that we let our kids beat each other up - but I think we need to give them space to fight their battles. There's too much interference anymore, and kids won't ever learn to stick up for themselves if they aren't allowed to do it.

But, since they aren't allowed to resolve their differences on the soccer field after school anymore, I can tell you right now, if my son was being bullied I would find out who was doing it, and it would be dealt with. Real quick.

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KailaCheyenne

on Sep 22, 2011 at 3:52 PM

I am right now :/ I'm seventeen and I have to listen to new rumors every day that my old best friend is spreading about me.. Rumors hurt too. She's been harassing me too & stalking me through her families facebook pages since I blocked her from mine. I can deal with it but some kids can't. It's getting out of hand.

MommaGreenhalge

on Sep 22, 2011 at 4:17 PM

I was teased and taunted pretty badly for about four years. We moved to a small town where everyone was related except me and two or three others the year I entered sixth grade. For the next three years, it was pretty much hell. I can remember one particular situation where even a teacher was laughing with the rest of the class as they took turns taunting me. I had one "frenemy" situation that was resolved one day when I slapped her across the face after she called me a "pentecostal whore." Even the grownups in my life recognized that was probably the most appropriate way to respond to that situation.

Things turned around for me my sophomore year, when I joined the cheerleading squad (an out of town judge was to thank for that one). Then we moved and I had to start all over again. But the next school was a lot better, and I knew how to deal with bullies better as well.

I am so thankful that I never endured some of the cyber-bullying I've read about, and that I had a mom who was constantly telling me that it would get better. I may have suffered the fate of so many who were driven to suicide had things been different.

Nonmember comment from Sharon

on Sep 22, 2011 at 10:48 PM

This is such a horrific thing for anyone, especially youth, to have to endure. I also believe that the ease of cyber-bullying has made it much more prevalent today than when I was a child. Our children learn from example and need constant supervision. Unfortunately the example adults set is often not a good one and many children are not monitored at all. When I read an article or blog someone has written that simply bashes another person for having an opposing point of view, I understand why youth think it is appropriate to do the same to their peers. We must set a higher standard for ourselves so that we can be better examples for youth to follow. We must also monitor our children to assure that they are not being bullied nor being bullies. The thought of what Carl must have endured brings tears to my eyes, no one has the right to make another person's life unbearable because they are different. Different is good. Different is necessary for a society to prosper. Different is how God created us. And He did it for a reason.

Kediset

on Sep 26, 2011 at 2:53 PM

yea I've had this happen.. a bit of a physical fight once too.. started since day one in grade 4 and this was after we had just moved so it was probably the worst timing for the bullying to have happened.. not to say any other time isn't bad but when you just went through a major change and still rather young and impressionable, it's far easier to fall into the bully's trap and to believe it for a long time...

Started with a couple guys who would throw insults at me (mostly non-racist. now that I think about it, I think there was the occasional racial insult [involving how people mock the Chinese language in the way its spoken. You know.. the whole pots and pans belief]), and then there was a kid who was just a grade higher (think he's same age as my bro) who threw a taunt here and there, and then there was one notorious experience on the bus ride home. Did not help that my friends didn't help fend me... not sure why he was doing it but he just got in my face with rather detailed insults towards me and things about my mom. When we were getting off at our stop, my friends really didn't help by teasing me a bit more themselves. Thanks you guys. I had to really fight the tears until i got home where I just bawled an ocean.

on Sep 26, 2011 at 3:22 PM

Ok I'm just going to do a general statistics thing:

Number of 'official' bullies: 6

Number of 'unofficial' bullies (as in, 2 or less occurances) : 4 (approx)

Other: ?? (had my lock in highschool jammed at least 4-5 times. no idea who was targetting me or how many were involved)

I did end up being friends with one of the bullies who matured up. Stupidly I didn't think of getting email or anything like that so I have no idea where he is now or anything like that D; Also, another one I think actually liked me. He just had a bad way of getting my attention... :P (How did I get this impression now? Looking back and thinking about what he wrote in my Valentine's Card [our teacher had each of us make one and then we passed our cards to the person in front of us for them to right something in. Then it just went around the class that way] and he did ask me to a dance once.. even said he'd pay. LOL).

Still scarred though by the nastier of the bunch.