16 Ways to Embarrass Your Kid on the First Day of School

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Screaming kidAs much as I hate to admit it, summer is waning here in the lovely District of Columbia. As I cling to my flip-flops and sundresses and make frowny faces at boots and jackets, the kiddies — and, let’s be honest, us parents — are all wrapped up in the excitement of the back-to-school season. If they didn’t go last week, which I think is silly because of the long weekend, then tomorrow is probably the big day. It’s going to be all jitters and butterflies for a lot of households come morning.

Last week was Tween Girl’s first day of eighth grade. I’m proud to report that, even though it’s her last year of middle school, I made it through without melting into a sentimental heap of sobs. Even when it’s not a monumental year, I usually do the ugly cry for at least 10 minutes after I drop her off. But perhaps I was so distracted by other parents’ shenanigans that I couldn’t go through my emotional routine.

I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. But I'm begging other folks to think their actions through when they set the tone for their kids' brand spanking new school year. Here's just a taste of no-no's that I've seen myself, read about in the news, or heard about through the grapevine. Yikes.

1. Forgetting (or consciously deciding not) to wear a bra and smothering small children who are about as tall as your breasts are low.

2. Peddling your wares to other parents. The school grounds aren’t the marketplace for hustling Avon, adult toys, real estate. Give it some time — better yet, give your kids a break.

3. Wearing a plastic shower cap. That’s it. Wearing a plastic shower cap. It’s enough.

4. Rolling down the window and punting your kids’ forgotten lunch to them from the driver’s seat.

5. Catching the Holy Ghost while the gospel choir sings at the Back to School assembly.

6. Shaking the principal’s hand — and holding on to it.

7. Declaring your intention to run for PTA president and pinning one of your campaign buttons to the back of your competitor’s kid’s shirt.

8. Showing off pictures from your summer vacation.

9. Telling a teacher about the litany of medical woes little Bradford suffers from, down to the mystery rash he’s going to need ointment for.

10. Firing off a series of long, angry horn blasts aimed at the line of cars tangling up what would’ve been the swiftest little kid drop-off ever.

11. Following that up with a middle finger.

12. Cursing another mom out for rocking a couture purse made of real crocodile skin. Come up for air, PETA vigilante.

13. Smothering your little one (or, good heavens, your not-so-little-one) with kisses on the steps of their school and then scooting them off to be the hot topic of discussion among their peers.

14. Sporting your “F&$^% your censorship” T-shirt to take your fifth grader to Catholic school.

15. Ranting and raving about the upcoming school year’s fees to anybody who will listen — including teachers, administrators, and other parents. There is a forum for that, and first day of school? That ain’t it.

16. And of course, cry in front of everybody uncontrollably as you wave your baby into the start of another new year.

What are some of the more embarrassing stunts you’ve seen parents pull to mortify their kids? Or — moment of self-reflection — have you done something to shame your poor children that needs to be added to this list?

 

Image via mdanys/Flickr

back to school, family, elementary school, high school, middle school

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April Perry

My sons name is Michael, but I accidentally called him by his nickname "Mikey" in front of his classmates one time. He came home huffing and puffing..lol. It caught on and everyone called him Mikey for years. When we moved to a new town, we decided to stop using his nickname altogether as he was growing up and didn't want to be seen as a little boy anymore.  =)

godmo... godmomsupreme



Just being...me seems to do it


13-yr-old: "OMG Mo-o-o-m, you're soooo embarrassing...omigo-o-o-ddduh..." (cue massive eye rollage)


Me: "Don't bother looking up to heaven - He/She gave you to me for life...andyou'reronyour8thonerightnow...."


 


The other great one is Halloween: I can wear my regular clothes and go as "Charlotte's Embarrassment." "Omigo-o-o-ddduh...will you stop saying that?!" (cue massive eye rollageagain)



Alexandrea Goff Dahlstrom

Hilarious! My children are not old enough for school yet, but I can only imagine. The thing I can't imagine is doing any one of these things myself (well maybe smothering in kisses) as it wouldn't just embarass my child. But #3? Hands down the best. Where there at least rollers under it? LOL!

SandM... SandMsMama

my mother was the sobbing ball of embaressment. not only on the first day of school, but before my 5th grade trip to the outerbanks too. it was only overnight...

Munch... MunchiesMom324

My DS1 insists on doing the hugs and kisses routine EVERY MORNING as I drop him off, ending up holdng up the line.  I worry the other kids might tease him, as he's 8 and all.... but so far he doesn't mind and I'm not gonna give up my kisses until he's ready

beyon... beyond.eden22

My kids are still too little for school but I think I'll be crying uncontrollably when I drop off my oldest on his first day of kindergarten.

Candace Denise Thacker

first off.... this list is hilarious! second... the title says 20 ways ....not 16 lmao

mikey... mikeyjavimami21

I definitely know better than to try and kiss my kids at school. My kindergartener would be pissed! I love this list it's effin hilarious!!!

Sue Wiley

My oldest who is now 32 was caught skipping school so the next day I put a ratty robe over my shorts and tee-shirt, did not brush my hair and also had the ugliest fuzzy slippers ever seen. Instead of dropping her off in front as the school like normal I parked in the parking lot - she wanted to know what  I was doing - I told her that because I couldn't trust her to go to class I was going to spend the day going to all her classes with her. she said "BUT MOM you look AWFUL" I told her it was too early for me to look too beautiful and her classmates would just have to get used to it because that is what I was going to look like every day when we sat in class together. Tears flowed as she swore she'd never skip school again. I told her ok I'd give her the one freebie but next time I'd follow through with it. She never skipped school again - perfect attendance from then on. 

Nikki Stewart Lewis

Singing and dancing to "The Hamster Dance" while rolling throught the drop-off line always works. I swear they use to think it was cute (when they were in k4!) :-) We all use to do it, then they got too big, that is, until my son realized that it embarrasses his sister, so he has gotten back on board!

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