I'm not quite sure how it happened, but the beginning of a new school year is just around the corner. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm totally ready to get back into a normal routine, even one that includes school lunches and homework assignments and battles over bedtimes. Bring it on!
There is one thing I'm not ready for, though, and I fear it's inevitable. Between new classes, new lunch times, and new activities, it's bound to happen and I simply dread it. What am I talking about? New school friends. They are inevitable. Also inevitable? That I probably won't like them.
To avoid this awkward and undesirable scenario, I thought it might be helpful to work up a list of children I would like my own to avoid. I'm thinking of printing these out the first day and tucking them in the backpacks. One wrong friendship can dictate the whole year, so it's imperative that they pay attention.
Here's who I'm asking them to avoid ...
1. The nose-picker. Because, just, ewww.
2. Even worse, the nose pick-and-eater. Double ewww.
3. The butt scratcher. No explanation needed.
4. The spoiled brat. The kid who has it all is sure to pressure mine into the “it” jeans or trendy sneakers. I'd rather them befriend the discount dressed and blissfully clueless kids.
5. The dirty kid. I hate bathing my own kids as much as the next mom, but it’s part of the job. If the kid has crusty dinner all over her face, dirt under her nails, and smells like a locker room, I’m not going to be so keen on having her over for dinner.
6. The snotty kid. You know the one -- he constantly has a stream of snot dripping down his face and a perpetual cough. Befriending him ensures months ahead spent at the pediatrician’s office. Until he dries up, I'm asking my kids to avoid him.
7. The drama queen. My kids are dramatic enough and don't need any more tips on heightened reactions.
8. The picky eater. I like to find the kid who enthusiastically eats her broccoli. The one who gets excited about peas and is fascinated enough by the smell that asparagus produces to eat it with gusto. That child will be a positive influence. My kids are finicky enough already.
9. The one with teen siblings. They are always the ones to introduce the inappropriate TV, poor language, or inappropriate music. Same can be said for those with ridiculously young step-mothers. No good can come of it.
10. The one with the blogger mother. Because who wants their children to be used as blog fodder?
What new school friends do you want your kid to avoid?
Image via Scary Mommy