Having 3 Kids Will Make Anyone Take Birth Control for the Rest of Their Life

Being a Mom 19

messy baby eating in high chair In high school, I always snorted at the schlubs who'd signed up to take "child development." You could tell 'em a mile away -- they were miserably lugging around a five-pound bag of flour "baby." (On the non-Alanis Morissette-Definition-of-Ironic side, *I'm* the one who got knocked up at 20. Perhaps I should have taken the damn class).

Three kids later, I'm still not sure what flour has to do with raising children, but I just know I'll figure it out one of these days. What I do know about raising three kids is this: three is a hell of a lot of kids. I take my hat off to those of you who have more than three, because there are days (most days) when I'm ready to shave my head and run off to Detroit to join a cult.

Because, as my nearly 10-year-old likes to point out, I am boring, the weekends in my house are long. I'm not great at playing games unless they involve vodka, so the kids end up crawling the walls until we decide to go out somewhere.

Like the hardware store. Or, as I like to call it, "The Happiest Place on Earth." If I could, I'd move in there, just like that chick did in that movie where she popped out a kid in Walmart.

To me, there's nothing better than the aisles full of assorted nuts and bolts and things that I can make other people do to make my house, well, better. My children, for some mysterious reason, agree.

The best part of taking the kids there, though, is that they can be their loud annoying selves without me having to shush them. Because, seriously, it's a hardware store and no one gives a shit, so long as you're not stealing crap. But the teenage clerks, well, sometimes they look a bit horrified at the energy my children exude.

Yep. Kids ain't NOTHING like the bag of flour.

So I came up with this fabulous idea the other day that will probably make me a million bucks: I'm going to start offering my children up as free birth control. High school teenagers, rather than lugging around a lame bag of flour or an egg, will have to take my children for the weekend.

THEY can try and see how easy it is to wrangle three kids through the grocery store on a budget. THEY can try and entertain three kids, crawling the walls while the rain pours outside. THEY can experience what it's like to travel in a car while three happy kids sing songs at the top of their lungs.

And when they give my kids back -- they will run to the nearest pharmacy to stock up on birth control pills and condoms.

I figure it's a win for both of us.

toddler development, a mom's life


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Justa... Justamom283

I had this idea when my 2nd was born. If he can't convince someone to remember to get their shot or swallow that pill everyday they seriously need a competency test.  Now that I have my 3 kids and my niece take care I can't even get my mother to come help out unless I offer some adult beverages as compensation. I'm sure she leaves visits with us giddy with relief that her child bearing years are far behind her.

miche... micheledo

LOL!  It can get crazy with three kids.  It really isn't that much crazier to add more.  :D  The house is already crazy, fun, wild, sleep-deprived so adding one or five more truly isn't that big a deal.

I will have to say, my third and fourth child have learned much faster then the older ones - how to behave in general.  I think hearing the older siblings corrected has had an influence on them.  So SOME things do get easier.

Lovem... Lovemykidstw

Haha I love this story! My husband & I were joking the other day about how we could market our daughter as birth control! Lol!! We talked about how the kids who 'think' they are ready for a baby need to come spend a couple days with us! I have a 9 mo old & a 28 month old so my house is always CRAZY!!!

Nat Charla Arnold

We have a three year old, a 22-month old, and an 8-month old.  I have encouraged my friends with pre-teens to send their kids for a weekend so that they don't get any ideas about being teen moms.

sodapple sodapple

I have 2 friends that have 3 children each, one has two girls and one boy, the other one two boys and one girl, I have two and seeing them deal with them makes me think twice about having one more.

DomsM... DomsMama07

Lol! I have two and its more then enough for me!

nonmember avatar getreal

LOL. We had a egg as a "baby" and it was for a class we had to take in middle school. We were suppose to take care of the "baby" for a whole week. I went home and got hungry. So, I boiled the egg and ate it with a bit of salt and black pepper. When the teacher asked me what happened to by "baby." I told her I ate it.

jenni... jenniamigo

Yes I know what you mean, I have three boys and the hubs will occasionally mention wanting to have a girl and I make it very very clear that this bakery is out of business and once my Mirena expires I want to get the permanent spring thing put in it's place so no more babies for me.

Magen Kauffman

LMAO! I love this idea! I think my sister needs to look into doing something like this with her kiddos. SHe has 3 right now (5,3 and almost 2) and is preggo with TWINS! I think she needs to have kids from a local HS health class come over and help deal with her brood to learn just how tough parenting is!


Sherr... SherriPie

I hear that once you get past two kids, one more is no big deal.

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