'Teen Mom' Farrah Actually Taught Me Something
When you're an adult who considers herself to be a fairly OK parent, if not a relatively good one, it's a shock to sit down to watch the season premiere of Teen Mom and find yourself identifying with one of the girls. That it was Farrah Abraham, who thought getting a boob job was more important than saving money to support her child, made it even worse. But there I was, seeing one of the hardest parenting decisions I've yet to make play out onscreen.
About to go under the knife, and under anesthesia, Farrah was forced by her mom, Debra, to write a will that designated a guardian for daughter Sophia, should anything happen. And she was uneasy about answering Debra's constant queries over just whose name was going to go on that form. I'm the first to say Farrah has screwed up priorities, but on this, I can't blame her.
My daughter is 6, and I haven't told my parents or my in-laws either. I know. I know. I know!
I'm not a teen mom, I should be able to buck up and lay down the law like an adult with the adults in my daughter's life. But it's easier said than done, isn't it? Because whoever you choose, feelings will be hurt, a familial relationship will be strained. Just looking at Debra's expectant face while Farrah said she had to think about it was enough to remind me that grandparents walk into this with their own motives. Kind, loving motives, yes, but personal motives all the same.
Just choosing a potential guardian for our child was hard enough. First we had to face our own mortality -- not easy when you're both under 30 (we were back then, anyway!), harder still when you've just given birth and want to be with this child forever. Next is the debate, the back and forth between spouses. Because each of you brings your own childhood memories to the table, things can get emotional.
And then you start slinging mud. "Your dad was a spanker, and I don't agree with corporal punishment." "Your parents are awful with money, and I want to know the money we leave behind for her care will be used correctly." "Your mom is a nag." "Your dad doesn't know when to let go."
It's no wonder grandparents take it personally when you choose against them. It can get pretty ... well, personal. As much as the decision might be circumstantial ("OK, your parents live closer, so there will be less uprooting for the child"), there's no way to get around the fact that you're judging how they parented and their potential for parenting your kid. I've just never wanted to face that -- because I don't want anyone to feel slighted.
Of course, Debra and Farrah proved the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when grandma listened in on Farrah talking to her lawyer about her decision (mom gets Sophia, and if she can't care for her, the job goes to Farrah's grandmother). And I know I don't want to be that passive-aggressive. So it's looking like it's time to just break down and break the news. Imagine that ... Teen Mom taught me to be a better mom.
Have you chosen a guardian for your child? More importantly: how did you break the news?
Image via MTV
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Leelee1008
No I havent, and I think of this often, if something were to happen to both of us. I mean if something happend to me their father would have them thats a no brainer, but if something were to happen to both of us,I would love for my grandmother to take them, the thing is shes 73, So more then likely it will be my In laws. my father just passed last month and my mother well she didnt raise us.
jonellg
nope but we should
MemphisSuzi
We have - after my best friend (and single mom) died at the age of 34 with 2 small children. Lets just say the custody battle aftermath was horrific - ending with these 2 children being seperated from each other. So we sat down and hashed it out. Our lawyer told us we should NOT pick our parents, even though most people do. We should pick someone closer to our own ages. Obviously, age wasnt the MAIN reason but you want someone who will be around for that child just as long as you should have been. We picked my sister and as of today us and my sister and her husband are the only ones we have discussed it with.
truthrowan
If something happens to both of us, they do not go to family, my kids will go to my best friend in Michigan who can handle them, is financially secure, and won't cause any drama. My mother has cancer, my dad is dead, we have fundimental disagreements with my sister and her husband and don't want our kids to be bigots, and all his family has a lot of kids already or are single and couldn't handle it, and his parents are already raising his niece and are looking forward to having an empty nest.
ashjo85
I picked my sister. She's not as financially established as we are, but no one loves our daughter or will work harder than she will. I don't think we even told her about it! And no one's asked.
Joyce Stafford
I had the legal papers drawn up right after he was born - if anything happens to us our son goes to my sister. or if anything happens to me- a trust is formed in my son's name and will be delegated by my sister. (love my husband, but he cannot be trusted with money)
ele4phant
Abby Lynch
We chose my sister-in-law and her husband. No one in our family had an issues with it. They are financially stable, her husband is in the military so I know my son will have good health benefits, we have the same moral ideals, and most importantly they both are deeply in love with our son! Another reason I am glad we picked them, although at the time we couldn't have known this, is he would have his (at the moment newborn) cousin, so we know he would have a sibling if we haven't had the chance to have any other children.
The only downside is they live in Virginia, so he won't live close to either grandparents.
Caroline2010
our family is a bunch of dead beats and stoners! so i would much rather leave our daughter with my father! he is very loving and caring and will go to the moon and back for her! i dont trust anyone else in our family!
bether89
We have picked my sister so that our kids can be raised with their cousins. We have the same values and religious beliefs.