I'm supposed to feel guilty. Ever since the kid hit kindergarten, I've been hitting one discipline technique hard. When she starts up with some not very appropriate for public actions, I remind her she'd best stop ... or the other kids won't like her.
You call it shaming. I call it socialization. To-may-to. To-mah-to. And guess what? It works. Because telling your kid that they should stop eating their boogers because a giant booger factory will grow in their stomach just makes them sample more snot to see if it's the truth. Telling them that the other kids will find them kind of gross, on the other hand, is both the God's honest truth (remember that kid? The one you all called Picky Picky?) and effective.
Come on in, take a gander at the disgusting things I'm drumming out of my kindergartner one "ewww, gross, think of the CHILDREN" at a time, in the hopes that one day I may actually be able to marry her off (or at least send her to college without her blanket):
Picking Her Nose in Public. If you can't use a tissue, and let's face it, there are those little hard suckers that just never want to come out, there's a room down the hall for digging. Please use it.
Picking Her Nose and Eating It. So it may taste better than broccoli. That doesn't mean I want to see you sample the merchandise.
Pick Her Nose and Wipe It on Things. Noticing a theme here, are you? Yes, we are at the 5 1/2-year-old stage, when the hands are NEVER too busy to inch upward toward the schnoz.
Butt Scratching. Yes, it itches. No, people don't want to think about why.
Screaming From the Bathroom to "Come Look." So my daughter will one day Google herself and find this gem? Good, because the horror on her face will probably come pretty close to that on mine when I come running, thinking my little darling has fallen off a stool and put her nose through her skull or something similarly catastrophic ... only to be presented with a smiling face, the smell of something that died a week ago and has sat in her bowels ever since, and her pointing into the toilet. No, dear, just no.
Eating Sand, Grass, and Dried Up Raisins From Inside the Booster Seat. When I said I wanted a kid with an adventurous palate, I was thinking shellfish. I was not thinking that kid who everyone points to on the playground when a slug is procured from the monkey bars. The clear indication being, of course, that said person at the end of the finger-points will be willing to have a taste to see if it kills kids. Oh no, not my kid.
Stripping. It was OK two years ago, and truth be told there is a butt nekkid picture framed in our living room. That's art. Walking around the park at this age without your panties is just asking for sand in uncomfortable places.
Announcing Her Poots. MUCH better to blame it on someone else (Daddy? The dog?).
Bathroom Talk. I know, for a certain age group, this IS how to converse. We can't kill the art. But when you ask a teacher if they'd prefer to eat diarrhea or drink their own pee, they start making little marks in your permanent record. Let's just finesse that one out of the convo. Thank you!
Entering the Bathroom Without Knocking. Yes, it's lonely out there for the whole 3 minutes it takes someone to pee and wash their hands. Go chase the cat. Crayon on the walls. Play in traffic. SOMETHING.
Wedgie Picking. Like digging for gold, something that has to be done, but can be done even better in the bathroom!
Chewing With an Open Mouth. What's the image you want people to have in mind at your 20th reunion? A nice, smart kid from school or the one who masticated bovine muscles LOUDLY in front of you on hamburger day? If you must eat cows, please don't act like one kids.
Wet Willies. Funny thing, I haven't found ANYONE who enjoys the feeling of a damp finger in the ear. If you know anyone, send them over, she's rather talented at it.
With all these warnings, calls from the school have thus far been limited to "your kid was marked absent today" and "Mrs. Sager, thank you for bringing the fruit plate to the class party." I'm thinking as long as we keep reminding her that she'll be a social pariah if she doesn't quit it, I can keep that tone going.
What are the most disgusting things your kids do in public?
Image by Jeanne Sager
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Comments 42
And loud burping. Same kind of thing, DH thinks this is all funny at home, but going places with a 5 year old burping and farting machine is just embarassing and I feel like a horrible parent!
LMAO! It's like you wrote about my 5 year old! My favorite thing he does is the fart announcing. Ever since I convinced him to fart away from people (preferably in the bathroom) he always comes running in to announce that he just farted in the hallway/bedroom/kitchen/etc.... pretty much ensuring that our house guests won't stray from the living room ;)
Egads, the nose picking and assortment of follow ups with just drives me bonkers. I am forever reminding my middle child that there is no gold up there..
We joke that my oldest son toots the way my husband belches - but I have to say that I am still tickled inside when he leans over in the chair and lets her rip (not that I show him that, but I do giggle on the inside). Was not giggling the other day when he decided to "make bubbles" in the bathtub and got a surprise though. Chasing turds in bathwater is not fun.
The worst habit for me is my children announcing a person's size, hair color, combover, baldness, etc. And while not disgusting is far more frustrating for me than the other traditional disgusting habits, not to mention mortifying when one asks at the top of their lungs "Why is that man so _____".
my son @ 3 yrs old didnt realize his innapropriate discussion.. lol!! we were in the check out line at target, and he announced in a 3 yr old voice, very loudly.. "mommy, my but itses (itches)! while diggin in his hind area, lmao!!! all i could do was tell him shhh, its okay.. we can go to the potty in just a minute. he said but mommy, it itses really bad, continuing to dig for gold... i was not so embarrased because he was a toddler, but i turned red as a beet!!! he is now 14 and i can still think back to this one time and laugh that his butt itses!!!! haha!!
Yeah... my 4.5YO is getting ready for kindergarten in September, and I bust out the "other kids won't like that" line quite a bit. In my house, though, there's more butt-scratching and PENIS-FLASHING than anything else. (and, NO! I have no idea where he learned to do that to get a reaction out of people... but boy, it sure does work.) I keep telling him that if he doesn't keep it "in his pants" one of the pets is going to think it's a treat and bite it off.....
DD went through a phase where she thought farts were hilarious. She still sometimes laughs and I just have to remind her to be a lady! She also has developed a habit of eating too fast. Which makes her gasp for air when her sinus' are bad. I have to remind her to slow down and its not a race!
My not-quite-two year old discovered his "pee pee" ages ago.. but has recently learned to call it by its name. So he'll quite proudly remove his diaper and run around messing with it going "pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee PEE PEE PEEEEEEE PEEEEEE..." It's really funny but I don't think it will be when he does it at my conservative inlaws' house.....
My brother took my son and daughter fishing in the woods. There are bathroom out where they fish but as a boy he taught my son to fo hide behind a tree and pee. Not so bad when you in the words and no one is around........bad when he was at my husband works (us army military base) and we where outside talking to all the other ppl that we are friends with or my hubby works with and he goes behind a tree butt facing the road and pees. Boy oh boy was i embrassed and so was my hubby, after he was told he cant do it it happened a few moe times at the compnay softball games. Idk if we every break him of this awful habit.