Until you've crossed this bridge with your own little prince, you just won't know how you'll answer this one. I haven't gotten here yet myself, so I'll gladly defer to what I think is a well-balanced and thoughtful response that happy2bme7 gave to
nuby's honest question: Is my 12 year old son too young to have a girlfriend?
She says, "My sons are 17 and 15 so I've been there. They both currently have girlfriends. You have to limit time without them catching on and you also have to communicate to them that they are not allowed in either home alone. Boys will be boys.....argh! Spend time with them together and let your presence be known. Also, if you tell him that he can't see her...remember when you were a kid and you'll have your answer there...If you say he can't ~ that's a sure fire way of him saying he can and he may go behind your back and have a girlfriend anyway. If you've laid a good moral foundation, which I'm sure you have, then he'll be fine Mom."
Anyone else been down this road?
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Comments (16)
I have a 12 yr. old daughter and she's always asking me "when can I have a boyfriend?" I never know what to say to her. I want to say absolutely not!!!! But, Iknow that's wrong. She is a good girl and has a good moral upbringing. It's just that I want to keep her "12" until she turns "13". I had to grow up way to fast and I don't want that for her. I would like her to enjoy her tween-teen life. The conclusion I've finally come to is, a boyfriend is ok to a certain degree. However, absolutely no dating until 16. I told her she can have what we used to call "going steady". You should have seen the look I got from that statment. However, we are in agreement and things seem to be going well with her. (no boyfriend yet)
I have 2 12yr old girls. Amanda's boyfriend we have yet to meet. Kelcey's boyfriend we have meet and done things with. She has known her boyfriend since kindergarten. they have been seeing each other for abt 10 months. I know his family and don't mind, there is just one rule. She can't go on an actual date yet.
My son is 11 ( will be 12 in Jan) he has had a girlfriend since he was in kindergarten. I have tried to tell his that he was not allowe a girlfriend but he has one anyway. So I decided to define the relationship. He is allowed to talk to her on the phone for 10 minutes and they are allowed to hang out at shcool. He seem satisfied with the result. For, now, I believe that we have reached an accord.
Now we just wait for the next step. Gotta love being a parent!!!!!!
Thanks for chiming in, moms. I'm taking major notes!
My son, who just turned 13, put me in panic mode at the beginning of this school year when they had a school dance and he asked a girl to go with him. They met at the dance and by the time it was over he had a girlfriend. I wasn't sure what that meant to him, but I put on my calm face and talked to him about it. I told him to be respectful of her and reminded him that he was not allowed to date, but I accepted the relationship. They talked on the phone and saw each other at school. They broke up a week later and he says he doesn't want a girlfriend for a while. Whew! Now we keep communication open and I still make sure he doesn't spend any time alone with any girls. They can play together outside where we can see them and talk on the phone.
My son is turning 13 in December and has recently become GIRL CRAZY!!! While it definitely changed things because I am no longer the most important female in his life, I knew it was coming and communication is nice an open. The "relationships" never last long -- 2 to 3 weeks at most. The positive is that it gives you more leverage. Getting grounded from the phone takes on a whole new meaning! I too told my son what MommyKimi told hers "I told him to be respectful of her " -- SO IMPORTANT!
I have 2 boys ages 18 & 12 and 1 daughter age 11...I am so confused with the whole dating thing..My oldest has had alot of female friends in the past, but nothing serious until now. It's easy for us to say we dont mind our sons having girlfriends, but now I think about my daughter having a boyfriend....ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I know we cannot stop them from what they do when they are not in our sites, but we can teach them respect and morals when they are. I truly believe that if you raise your children with respect and morals, they will make the right decisions....Dont condemn the idea "TO THEM" even though behind closed doors you are saying "ABSOLUTELY NOT" but just let them know that they have all the time in the world to devote there time and energy into such a relationship.......
I have a 11 yrs old son and he is completely girl crazy! For the first time, his grades started to slip. His teacher told us that he is completely distracted by the little girls in the classroom. He tries to make jokes and look cool for the little girls in class and she has moved him three times. To make things worse, I received a phone call from a concerned parent last week that he was kissing a little girl "on the lips" at the park in our neighborhood. This boy has completely stressed me out and I don't know how to handle him. You all are providing very good advice! I truly appreciate it. I have been going about it all wrong by taking his phone and limiting his outside freedom. I also told him he was too young for a girlfriend. It looks like its time for us to regroup and have another talk with him. My husband did tell me that I was over reacting.
Personally the choice is yours. I know that with my 11 and 13 year old have made it clear that if they are friends with boys or have"boyfriends" then we want them to be young men than can come and hang out with the family and we can hang with his. We also advised that at their age putting such a heavy label on a such a naive relationship could lead or succumb to heavy situations that neither of them could be ready for. The peer pressure for them at this age is so awful. I am lucky that my girls so far had made the choice to focus on school and friends. They have their crushes but it never goes anywhere. They have however tried to play matchmaker for their friends. I have talked to my oldest daughter about boys and found that lifetime tv of all things has had some excellent fact based preteen movies revolving around such young relationships and the possible negative issues that could happen. I have been very open and discussed these types of situations and scenerios depicted so that my input was there as well.