Big Kid

29-Year-Old Grandmother Had It Coming

by Sasha Brown-Worsham March 7, 2011 at 8:38 PM

Nobody wants their children to repeat their mistakes and we all wish we could issue our children a book with all the things we did wrong and all the things they shouldn't try. Unfortunately, that isn't a reality. And one 29-year-old in the UK knows just how true that is. She is going to be a grandmother before she is even 30.

Kelly John is set to become Britain's youngest grandmother at 29. She said it was her worst nightmare come true when she found out her 14-year-old daughter was pregnant. She said she hoped her daughter Tia wouldn't repeat her mistake (don't we all), but she did and the grandmother is now vowing to help her daughter in every way she can.

Obviously, this is beyond disappointing, but there is a silver lining ...

John's great-great grandmother is still alive at 92 and, therefore, six generations of this family will be able to meet. How many people can say that?

Maybe it's because I lost my mother when she was only 45 and my children will never meet her, but I think that is a pretty significant upside to the less happy parts of this story. Of course, having a baby at 14 isn't going to be easy.

At 14, I was still playing with Barbies (seriously) and hadn't even really dated a boy, so I was pretty far from pregnant and with good reason. When I was pregnant with my daughter (at 28), I was reasonably ready. But I have plenty of other bad habits I see my daughter emulating already. She screams like me and is impatient. She has a low tolerance for waiting in lines and for not getting her way.

I always cringe when I see her behave like that and I know it's my fault, but try as I might to be better, I have moments of weakness and I share those with my daughter. We all copy our parents. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective), Tia will likely have a very hard time keeping her own child from also becoming a teen parent.

Children see us and they want to be us, for better or worse. All you can do is be open, talk about your mistakes, and help children set goals for themselves. And also: teach them about birth control!

Do you think this was inevitable?

Image via Larry Johnson/Flickr

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Filed Under: puberty

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Sasha Brown-Worsham

can't decide whether she is a mother, writer, or runner, but is usually all three at some point each day. She has written for dozens of print magazines, newspapers, and websites. She rarely ever writes on bathroom walls.

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Comments 234

Facebook comment from Julie Ann Adams

March 9, 2011 at 1:29 AM

Nothing is inevitable. If that mother had simply discussed sex education with her daughter, and made sure her daughter, at the very least, knew about the importance of contraceptives her daughter, very likely, wouldn't be pregnant at 14. In no way is a 14 year old ready to have a child. Even physically, it's a strain on such a young girl to give birth, not to mention most 14 year olds don't know how to properly care for a child...They barely know how to properly care for themselves. Just because the grandmother had a child at 15 does not mean her own offspring must follow that same pattern. And the reason that kids are following in the footsteps of their parents and having children at such an incredibly young age is because people view it as inevitable. My grandmother married and had her first child at 17. My mother had her first child at 18. My great grandmother married at 17. I am 21, and as of yet I am not married nor do I have children. My sister was 20 when she married and 23 before she had children. My other sister is 23 and unmarried and childless. It's called choices, freewill and the ability to think for one's self. Just because your parents did/do it, doesn't make it right, and it doesn't mean you have to do it. If she didn't want her daughter to follow that path, she should have given her the grit on how incredibly hard it is to a raise a child when you're still a kid yourself.

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MelissaCarole

March 9, 2011 at 1:31 AM

I think it's cool, my niece had a baby when she was 14 and she is a damn good mother,

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Nonmember comment from wowjudgemuch

March 9, 2011 at 6:18 AM

I only read a few of the comments on this story, but wow, some people sure are judgmental! Everyone who was a teen parent does not have a child who ends up being a teen parent & every teen parent does not have a teen parent themselves. My mom was 17 when she had me, guess how old I was when I had my first? 38, yes, 38. My mom never told me not to get pregnant as a teen either, so would you put her down? and as for the mother who said she would take her daughter for an abortion, wow, do you think that might traumatize her? You made a mistake, let's go kill a baby... what about adoption? Wow.

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nachoqtpie

March 9, 2011 at 7:23 AM

really loveme29?? You would force your daughter to have an abortion because she got pregnant at a young age just like you? (Not you in a literal since.. but you in the article) How is that not the most hypocritical thing ever? If your (again, not literally) mom forced you to have an abortion because you were pregnant at a young age, then you wouldn't have a14 year old to even worry about!

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Nonmember comment from Dee

March 9, 2011 at 8:02 AM

I have had my youngest daughter (now 19) on birth control for 3 years now. This has helped hregulate her monthly cycle also. Why don't moms do this???? I became pregnant @17, and learned from my mistakes. I do LOVE all my kids- just should have waited. Kids are "dumb" when it comes to making choices under pressure. We as parents MUST support them and communicate all the time. My daughter is very glad I am the kind of mom that let her get on the pill.

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Facebook comment from Lori Fairbrother

March 9, 2011 at 8:02 AM

Statistics will tell you that it was inevitable. Can you say ADOPTION! It is unfortuntate that adoption is never considered in cases of pregnancies of such young mothers. Yes it is a tough decision, but it is not about the mother's feelings, it is about the baby having the best opportunities! Minors are not considered mature enough to drive, drink, vote, make legal decisions, etc., yet there is no qualm about allowing them to raise a human being simply because there is a biological connection.

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Facebook comment from Nicole Seabrook

March 9, 2011 at 8:15 AM

I believe that there's more to this story. Obviously, this mother has failed in parenting and if she doesn't get some sense she will fail at being a grandparent. The mother could have been open with her daughter, but even if a teenager is uncomfortable speaking to a parent, then they should talk to someone else confidentially so that the trust is there. I had my first child at 19 because my mom was an alcoholic who didn't talk just screamed, yelled, and cussed. (sometimes was violent) She never had patience when she was drinking and when she was sober, she was moody and withdrawn. Depending on the circumstance, anything ting could be a reason for the pattern of teen pregnancy. It is important to have not just openmindedness, but a comforting (not judgemental) atmosphere when raising a teen. Talk to them on a regular basis, whether it's serious or not. Laugh, cry, and play with them. My children who are now 12 and 9 are my best friends and I hope we reain that way no matter how old they get and what phase they are going through. This pregnancy will either make them or break them. Mrs. Kelly has to choose to do WHATEVER it takes to bond with her child and grandchild and prevent this girl turned woman from having more children. With each birth, you you loose even more years of freedom and support from family and daycare prices are rising everyday!

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Nonmember comment from Jaelithe

March 9, 2011 at 9:35 AM

I really hope this poor young girl and her mother never read this link-baiting headline, OR the piles of snap negative judgment here in the comments from people who have never met them and know none of the details of their story. We don't know what circumstances might have compelled this girl to have sex before she was ready -- maybe her mother was a bad role model -- or maybe her mother was an EXCELLENT mother despite the circumstances and the girl made a really bad choice anyway. We can't tell from the scant information in this post what motivated the girl's behavior. It is NOT inevitable that the child of a teen mother will become a teen mother herself. My mother was a 17-year-old high school dropout when I was born, and I didn't have a child until I was in my mid-twenties and had already graduated from college and had a full time job. Oh, and by the way -- my mother now has her master's degree and has taught college level courses. A teen pregnancy makes life very difficult for a mother, but it doesn't have to close the door on her future. If we want the cycle of teen parenthood and poverty to be broken, we should do everything in our power to help too-young mothers like this overcome and learn from their experiences, instead of telling them they deserve whatever bad things come their way. (Also, hi -- where is the criticism for the father of this girl's baby, or HIS parents?)

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Facebook comment from Cierra Heath

March 9, 2011 at 10:02 AM

@loveme29--That is the most ridiculous stance I have ever heard. I was a teen mom...I had my daughter at 16 years old and I think it would have ruined me if my mother had FORCED me AGAINST MY WILL to have an abortion. I am very glad that the teens mom will do whatever she can. However, I agree that no matter what mistakes are made by young parents, it is NOT inevitable that their children will make the same mistakes, and it is stupid to assume as much.

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MookiesMom739

March 9, 2011 at 10:53 AM

Nope. it is not inevitable.. My mom was a teen mom and so was 2 of my sisters and guess what...... I had my first kid at 27 doesn't have to be a pattern. I

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