Nobody wants their children to repeat their mistakes and we all wish we could issue our children a book with all the things we did wrong and all the things they shouldn't try. Unfortunately, that isn't a reality. And one 29-year-old in the UK knows just how true that is. She is going to be a grandmother before she is even 30.
Kelly John is set to become Britain's youngest grandmother at 29. She said it was her worst nightmare come true when she found out her 14-year-old daughter was pregnant. She said she hoped her daughter Tia wouldn't repeat her mistake (don't we all), but she did and the grandmother is now vowing to help her daughter in every way she can.
Obviously, this is beyond disappointing, but there is a silver lining ...
John's great-great grandmother is still alive at 92 and, therefore, six generations of this family will be able to meet. How many people can say that?
Maybe it's because I lost my mother when she was only 45 and my children will never meet her, but I think that is a pretty significant upside to the less happy parts of this story. Of course, having a baby at 14 isn't going to be easy.
At 14, I was still playing with Barbies (seriously) and hadn't even really dated a boy, so I was pretty far from pregnant and with good reason. When I was pregnant with my daughter (at 28), I was reasonably ready. But I have plenty of other bad habits I see my daughter emulating already. She screams like me and is impatient. She has a low tolerance for waiting in lines and for not getting her way.
I always cringe when I see her behave like that and I know it's my fault, but try as I might to be better, I have moments of weakness and I share those with my daughter. We all copy our parents. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective), Tia will likely have a very hard time keeping her own child from also becoming a teen parent.
Children see us and they want to be us, for better or worse. All you can do is be open, talk about your mistakes, and help children set goals for themselves. And also: teach them about birth control!
Do you think this was inevitable?
Image via Larry Johnson/Flickr
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Comments 234
I was a "teenage" mom as well at 19 (for only two and a half months before I turned 20). And I pray my 6 year old will take my mistake of not taking my birth control seriously (or college) and will NOT follow in my footsteps. that being said, I will do what this soon to be grandmother SHOULD have done and be OPEN and HONEST about thing I did as a teenager that I regret or wish i had waited for. I had sex at 17. He was also the man I married. I waited until I knew I would marry the guy. At 17 I knew it, and almost 10 years later, we are strong and happy. I just hope that I can instill those thoughts into my daughters' heads that birth control is NOT to be taken lightly.
This being said, I really think this grandmother's situation could have been avoided if she would have been more open with her daughter.
it's not ineveitable. we all have the right to choose how we want our life to be and act accordingly.
YES. my mother had me at 17. she was 21 with four kids under the age of four. i didn't have my son until i was 23.
I'd like to say it was avoidable, but I know how it feels to have kids repeat my past actions that they've been told about repeatedly. I had my first when I was 18, and I thought I was pretty clear about how hard that was, but now she's 18 and due any time now. Of course, the difference is that we were both high school graduates, in college, and technically adults. But seriously, I did tell her that it's not the easy path, and that a lot of our struggles when she was growing up stemmed from early parenthood.
I did try, but it turns out that kids are people with minds of their own.
I have taken a new tactic with her younger sisters-- In addition to talking about how things were when their older brothers and sisters were little and how hard it was, I've explained that I will love the new baby, but I am disappointed that their sister decided to do this. Maybe they'll learn from me, or from her. I just hope the lesson sticks, somehow.
Wow, I'm 29. I cannot imagine being a grandmother!! Holy freakin cow! This is sad and was not inevitable. We all make our own choices.
I disbelieve in abortions, and firmly believe anyone who has one should no longer be allowed to have a child. If you can kill one, what right do you think you have to have another?? It's proposterous. The child didn't ask to come into the world, YOU DID by spreading your legs unprotected. Take care of your responsibilities. That's what I'd do. I have ONE daughter...if she ended up pregnant at a young age, I would MAKE her take care of her responsibilities. SUPERVISED, of course, if she should need the help. It is not easy being a mom - at ANY age - therefore using the excuse of being a teenager is ridiculous. But getting an abortion to avoid responsibility is just ignorant.
Oh yes because taking the pill and useing condoms means you will never get pregnant. Seriously some of you sound so ignorant. I got pregnant at almost 17 with my son and I was using the bc pill (properly I might add) and we were using condoms. On the other hand at 14 no girl(or boy) should be having sex. I gave myself to the man I married, yes we did it a bit out of order but we got there. No I don't think it was inevitable but perhaps this mother thought that her daughter had learned just from watching her mother struggle. Ignorant.
I have a friend who is about to become a grandfather at 31. He has told his daughter all her life not to repeat his mistakes and to enjoy being a teen and young adult before having kids, and she just didn't listen. When I see all the teens having babies I'm just amazed. I wasn't always the most careful teen, and I wasn't ready when I did get pregnant at 22, but everything turned out for the best and we are now married and have a second child together. I feel so bad for all the teen moms (and the dads) out there, but at the same time they have to live with the choices they made. Maybe in a few generations the tide will turn and we will see teen pregnancies drop.
I wonder what behavior the young grandma was modeling in front of her teenager? Was she hanging out at bars and bringing different men home for overnighters? Or has she settled down and does not model risky behavior? Has she talked to her daughter about the difficulties she has faced in her own life as a teen mom? Whoopie Goldburg faced much the same situation, and dealt with it in much the same way, but I don't think it's any more likely that teen moms are fated to have daughters who are teen moms. We would have many, many more of them in that case.