Nobody wants their children to repeat their mistakes and we all wish we could issue our children a book with all the things we did wrong and all the things they shouldn't try. Unfortunately, that isn't a reality. And one 29-year-old in the UK knows just how true that is. She is going to be a grandmother before she is even 30.
Kelly John is set to become Britain's youngest grandmother at 29. She said it was her worst nightmare come true when she found out her 14-year-old daughter was pregnant. She said she hoped her daughter Tia wouldn't repeat her mistake (don't we all), but she did and the grandmother is now vowing to help her daughter in every way she can.
Obviously, this is beyond disappointing, but there is a silver lining ...
John's great-great grandmother is still alive at 92 and, therefore, six generations of this family will be able to meet. How many people can say that?
Maybe it's because I lost my mother when she was only 45 and my children will never meet her, but I think that is a pretty significant upside to the less happy parts of this story. Of course, having a baby at 14 isn't going to be easy.
At 14, I was still playing with Barbies (seriously) and hadn't even really dated a boy, so I was pretty far from pregnant and with good reason. When I was pregnant with my daughter (at 28), I was reasonably ready. But I have plenty of other bad habits I see my daughter emulating already. She screams like me and is impatient. She has a low tolerance for waiting in lines and for not getting her way.
I always cringe when I see her behave like that and I know it's my fault, but try as I might to be better, I have moments of weakness and I share those with my daughter. We all copy our parents. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective), Tia will likely have a very hard time keeping her own child from also becoming a teen parent.
Children see us and they want to be us, for better or worse. All you can do is be open, talk about your mistakes, and help children set goals for themselves. And also: teach them about birth control!
Do you think this was inevitable?
Image via Larry Johnson/Flickr
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Comments 234
Well she should have been able to rememeber that she was having sex when she was that age and made sure her daughter had access to birth control. But so many people are in denial when it comes to their own kids, even those who it hasn't been that long. I'm glad she's making the best of it and I hope it goes as well as it can.
It is not inevetible. My sister, my cousin and I both broke the cycle of having kids early on our mom's side. My mom had me at 18, my aunt had her oldest at 18, their mother had her oldest at 16, I have a cousin who had her oldest at 18, Our moms' cousin had her oldest at 17, all 4 of her kids have had a child at 19 or younger, the youngest just turned 17 when her oldest was born. I am 25, my sister and cousin are 22, NO KIDS! On my dad's side that's another story... My dad was the youngest (at 21) to have a child. His older brother was in his mid-20's his baby brother was also in his late-20's (though his wife was 33 when thier son was born) My oldest cousin (on dad's side) was in her mid 30's with her first as was her sister.
I think for some of us realizing the work a child is and how when you have them young before you are established in life you tend to struggle more. I'm 25 now and my parents are just now doing ok for themselves.
I think it was avoidable. And I take offense to your statement that "she had it coming". Do you know this family? Do you know what goes on in their home? What they talk about, what rules she sets? If not then you really have no room to judge. Teens will be teens no matter how much parents try to control them. It's likely that the mom tried to explain to her daughter the danger, tried to make her understand why getting pregnant at a young age would be bad but the fact remains that unless you can be by your child's side at all times, they will what they want. I don't know what this family is like behind closed doors but maybe we could try to have a little more compassion and understanding before immediately pointing the finger and telling her she deserved it.
My mother was 15 when I was born and I didn't get pregnant as a teen. I was a married woman before that happened. My husband's mother was 16 and we didn't have children until he was 31. Of course it isn't inevitable. It's a choice a person makes and while the parent is important in teaching the child about sex and pregnancy, the choice to have sex falls to the child in the end. I also think it's quite easy to point fingers, doom everyone in the situation and play the "what I would do game". I wish them all the best.