New Monopoly Live Sucks All the Fun Out

monopolyI have a love/hate relationship with classic toy remakes. Bringing back my kiddie favorites so I, er, my daughter can play with them, I'm like a little kid after too many Pixy Stix. Pass me some AquaNet, mama's reliving the 80s!

But when a toy remake sucks, it really sucks. Take the new Monopoly Live. It's fast! It's got a computer! It's supposed to attract tweens who love video games and have no time for a three-hour Monopoly marathon. Excuse me? Hasbro? I haven't even played it yet, but I can already tell it sucks.


In putting a computer in charge of the whole game, they've made the rules iron clad. The little tower tells you what to do, and there's no negotiating. So they have made it impossible to screw the competition. No more landing on someone else's property and hoping they won't notice so you won't have to pay rent. No more hoarding money.

It's Monopoly without cheating. Which, and you can repeat after me Hasbro, sucks!

And in case you're one of those holier than thou folks who actually played by the rules when you were a kid (booooring), here's a little shot in the keester for you too. There's no more banker. Which means there's no more teaching your kid math by plunking down a pile of paper cash at their end of the table. Hasta la vista fun and bye bye education, all in one remake.

What were the folks at Hasbro thinking? Apparently that they could regain their sales. The sales of games and puzzles declined 9 percent last year. The introduction of the Family Game Night video game franchise has helped cut their losses -- Hasbro is a partner with EA on the project -- but classic toys like board games have been seeing much of their sales through remakes these days.

I guess it was Monopoly's turn, but I'm thanking my lucky stars I still have my trusty old Yankee-opoly (adding sports themes: technically a remake) in the playroom closet. My kid is going to learn the old-fashioned way. And she's going to have to keep track of her properties. Because this Mom doesn't like to pay rent.

Will you be spending the $50 when Monopoly Live comes out?


Image via HarshLight/Flickr

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