If you don't already dread having the sex talk with your kids, this will leave a knot in your stomach. A dad in Texas is facing criminal charges for talking about the birds and the bees with his 8- and 9-year-old daughters.
As always, there's more to the story. Jack Buckner screwed up. He was allegedly drunk when he showed his girls porn to illustrate his talk. He didn't touch them sexually. He didn't force them to do anything. He threw on a video and talked to them. His ex-wife freaked and called the cops.
But it's perfectly legal to show kids legal porn (it wasn't kiddie porn, folks) in the State of Texas, so Randall County District Attorney James Farren has gotten creative. He's charging Buckner with child endangerment, claiming what he did has put his children in danger of "mental impairment" by forcing them to view sexual images.
Wait, what? One guy is a jackass, and now parents have to worry about a DA subverting the law every time we pull out some illustrations for the sex talk? Land in a district with a prude for a district attorney, and some very good parents could be in some very big trouble if this gets through.
I was probably in fifth or sixth grade when my mom decided to have "the talk" with me. I don't remember much other than plastering my hands over my ears and refusing to listen. Literally. I was immature, yes, but I was just about Jack Buckner's daughters' age. And listening to my mother talk about the "dirty" things I'd learned about on the school bus was jarring and uncomfortable. I was feeling pretty darned mentally impaired at the moment, I must say.
My mom was frustrated because this was an important talk. So she did the best she could. She pulled out one of those "your body" books, threw a rubber band around the pages that detailed sexual encounters, and sent me off to my room to learn about masturbation and menstruation on my own. Of course the first thing I did was pull the rubber band off and pore through the naughty pages, then throw it in my bookbag and take it to school. I had already learned everything I needed to know about sex on the bus, I figured I'd return the favor.
Now compare the two instances. My mother wasn't drunk, but she also technically provided sexual materials to a minor child. How is it different? Because her heart was in the right place?
Playing with the law to charge this dad may feel right because he acted like a jerk with his kids, but it sets a dangerous precedent. If it's inappropriate for one dad to show his kids porn and talk about sex ed, how is it OK for another dad to do it?
The fact is, some kids are visual learners. And plenty of them get embarrassed hearing the dirty details from Mom and Dad. Can you imagine hearing words like "penis" and "thrust" from your Mom's mouth? Case closed.
Jack Buckner sounds like a bonehead. But should this make him a criminal?
Image via James Bowe/Flickr
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Comments (29)
I had to get the sex talk from my dad,after him trying to ambush me three or four times and me screaming at him "OMG I already know how it works!!! Dad please STOP!" He apparently went to the bookstore and bought this God aweful book about menstruation and sex with these black, whate, and red illustrations all over the place. I felt traumatized and disposed of the book so it could never harm anyones psyche ever again. LOL, my poor dad if only he knew he could have been charged with child endangerment.
Sounds like a total idiot. Wow.
YES, he is a criminal. He showed his CHILDREN porn. Even if it's technically legal, it's still not okay. There is a big difference between the sex talk and exposing 8/9 year olds to porn.
Supervised visitation and parenting classes? yes. Jail time? no. Parents have a hard time talking about sex and procreation, it's an umcomfortable subject. My oldest daughter knows the bare basics...male and female cells combine and implant in a woman's uterus and they grow into a baby, which exits the woman's body through her vagina when the baby is done growing and developing. She also knows that it can only happen when a woman has reached the age of menstruation. She doesn't know about sex (as far as I know, and we talk about many things) though, because she is too young to.
I hope they do not jail him, he probably feels real stupid - he didn't do this to harm them - we all do the best with the ideas and tools at hand, I really don't like how everyone is quick to condemn people who make mistakes - whether bad judgment or drunk - we live and learn, and we learn especially harder lessons when the "people" are allowed to give opinions.
Hey, it may seem gross, but I bet his girls are the most educated when it comes to that and will most likely make it to the marriage bed before getting pregnant. Having "The Talk" is terrifying and we all reach for the tools we think will work best. This may have been a poor tool but he tried to use what he had around to talk to his girls about it.
Not to mention that porn is something many young people become unhealthily addicted to. I don't see anyone getting addicted to "The Talk". Exposing children to something so mature at such a young age is detrimental to their health. We ALL know porn is not something to be used as a teaching tool. The way people are treated in porn is bad enough. But then we have that most porn sex is unprotected, and most women in porn are dressed in a way no 8 or 9 year old should want to emulate. How can this be a positive thing?
Parents, suck it up and give the talk. It's uncomfortable for some, but at least you're not giving your children videos where women are demoralized and disrespected, men are seen as faceless pumping machines, unsafe sex, and a complete desensitivity to sex is used for some cheap and disease ridden five minute high are put on a pedestal. We as parents have the opportunity to teach our kids BETTER than that.
I agree kaylaird