Justin Bieber College Essay Quite Catchy

April Peveteaux

justin bieber goes to college
I'm Ready for All Night Cram Sessions, Baby
Get ready high school senior class of 2012, you may be lucky enough to join Justin Bieber your freshman year at (fill in your college of choice here)!

Yep, the Biebs is going to college. And even though I feel like this may play out like Elvis joining the Army, let's give the teen superstar the benefit of the doubt. After all, he's surely got the tuition covered, and he says he's being tutored on the road. Next stop -- SATs and college applications!

Since Justin Bieber is such an accomplished song writer (cough, cough) I can't imagine him having any trouble with a personal essay portion of his college application. In fact, judging by his lyrics, I have a pretty good idea what the hair will submit to the review board.




From Baby:

When I was 13, I had my first love. There was nobody that compared to my baby. And nobody came between us who could ever come above. She had me going crazy. Oh, I was starstruck. She woke me up daily, don't need no [sic] Starbucks.

College application translation:

I was a precocious child. While I avoided caffeine, I was always ready to get up and at 'em and start the day off right. How did I do it? Simply by fantasizing about whoever was on the latest cover of Teen Beat.

From Bigger:

Gotta [sic] believe in me. Believe me like a fairy-tale. The truth I need pillowcase [Ed. note -- huh???]. No I won't. I won't ever, ever let you down, like a seesaw lets you down. You know why. Cuz [sic] we ain't [sic]on the playground no more [sic] baby.

I was a playa [sic] when I was little but I'm bigga [sic]. I'm bigga [sic]. A heart-breaker I was little but I'm bigga [sic]. I'm bigga [sic].

College application translation:

But I've grown since those days of my youth -- both physically, emotionally, and mentally. I can solve problems without ever resorting to schoolyard games, or childish ploys. I'm, quite literally, bigger and that will make me an asset to your university.

From One Less Lonely Girl:

How many I told yous and start overs and shoulders have you cried on before? How many promises? Be honest, girl. How many tears you let hit the floor? How many bags you packed? Just to take 'em [sic] back? Tell me that. How many either/or?  But no more if you let me inside of your world. There'd be the one less lonely girl

College application translation:

I know I'm not the only guy standing in front of you, trying to convince you that I'm the right one for your student body. But I know you. I know you've been burned before by those other students with the flashy personal essays, who only show up to start a social networking site then leave you far behind. I won't do that to you. You can count on me to stick around for the whole four years. So dry your tears, review board, my love is here to stay.


Image via jake.auzzie/Flickr

Read More