One Boy & One Girl: Are You 'Done'?

Sasha Brown-Worsham
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The family we dream about when we're little often contains similar elements: a happy marriage, a dog, a cat or two, and of course, two kids. Ideally, a boy and a girl.

For those who had two boys or two girls, they often try for a third, fingers crossed. "I really, really wanted a girl," says M, a mom of three in Boston who had two older boys, but desperately wanted someone to put in a pink tutu.

She tried everything: special teas, exercises, conception on certain days of the week. And then? She had a girl.

Others are not as "lucky" and they make do with three boys or three girls and they amend their version of the "perfect" family. But for those of us who have the boy and the girl, there is another common assumption: "You must be done."

Anyone else hear this? And if you do, does it sound weird that I'm not necessarily done at all?

I feel very lucky that we had one of each sex. I had no idea how badly I wanted a boy until I had one (prior to that, I had wanted all girls). And my daughter is everything I dreamed she would be. But I still might (might!) want a third. I don't care about the sex, but it also bothers me that going for number three is sometimes viewed as something you do because you're looking for something else.

I'm not looking or anything besides a third baby!

Ask a grandmother whether they were unhappy with the family they had, and 9 times out of 10, they will tell you no way. Three girls, three boys, 10 girls, 10 boys, it just does not matter. I always feel a little sorry for the third boy or girl in an all boy or girl family since it's pretty obvious that family was going for something else.

Having both sexes does balance a family where there is also a mom and a dad. Children aren't always gender stereotypes, of course, but a mom who loves the frilly can enjoy dressing her girl or boy like a little cupcake while a man who loves the Cleveland Browns can enjoy taking his son or daughter to games with him. Even so, it's nice to have a gender balance in terms of mentality. Men and women think differently and there is a marked difference in homes where one sex is the dominant one. A gender-balanced home is nice for everyone.

That said, it isn't necessary for happiness.

So, do you need to have one of each sex to have a complete family?


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