In case you haven't been on YouTube, um, ever, Matty B is the new hot pint-sized music star with a modicum of musical talent and big ol' dreamboat eyes who is making the tween girls scream.
The little rapper has covered Ke$ha, Willow Smith, and Katy Perry, and he's got a whole slew of his "originals," marked in a separate section of his video site (in case you couldn't figure out a 7-year-old wrote them).
Oh yeah, that's the part we forgot to mention. Matty B is 7 years old.
With that in mind, allow us to take a moment to say to Matty B what someone should have said to Justin Bieber about nine years ago ... save your voice, kid!
Honey, we're not hatin'. You're not terrible. In case you haven't seen him, take a look:
He's got his hat turned "backwardz" ... because he's 7.
Matty B, you didn't come up with this stuff any more than Willow Smith has manufactured her whole quirky dressing, hair whipping reputation. Which puts the rest of us in a rather sticky position.
We don't want to pick on a 7-year-old. But we feel much like we do about the smarmy third grader who waltzes into school with a big smile and a diorama that's a perfect recreation of the First Thanksgiving, right down to the mini pieces of maize. Sure, the assignment was completed, but who should get the credit?
See the conundrum?
You've put us in an impossible position. If we don't like you, we're a bunch of jerks for being mean to a kid. But if we like you, well, we are really loving on some adult who has manufactured your "stardom."
If you wait a few years -- like 10? -- we could meet you the old-fashioned way: you singing your songs, us determining whether they're any good. We could tell you if you suck, and we wouldn't feel like big buttheads who just took a kid's lunch money.
Right now you're just making us feel like we're the big adults who need to protect you ... and no one wants to feel old and listen to rap at the same time. Next thing you know, we'll be screaming that someone needs to turn down that "c-rap."
Don't make us bust out the "classics" channel to listen to the songs produced when we were 15. There's only so much our egos can take.
Could you use a child star break?
Image via MattyBRaps