In one of the most annoying, even while being potentially tragic, stories to come out about teens this week -- a teenager jumped on the back of a whale in Australia and rode her out to sea. The teen has not been found.
It is tragic that a kid lost his life (probably) in a scary, most likely painful manner. But seriously? Why do you think it's a good idea to ride a whale?
Do I really have to add whale riding to my list of teen worries? I was just working out how to keep them off motorcycles.
Hey kids, let's just go ahead and lay some ground rules about what you can and cannot ride right now, before you get to that stage in life where you think you're invincible.
Real, or the Jim Morrison-kind, riding a snake is never, ever, ever a good idea. Plus, your mom has a phobia and will probably drop dead just imagining you atop a python.
Yes, it's very Euro and sporty and sexy. Yes, you'll be the envy of teen shoppers on Melrose. But we don't live in Italy, it's Los Angeles. And you will be smashed by a studio exec talking on his cell phone. Which is not sexy at all.
I know this was only popular pre-21st century, but if you decide to go "retro" and have your buddies do a wide-eyed watercolor of the experience -- just stop and think about how hard a donkey can kick.
I know they look cute, and I myself have been tempted while on a Florida Keys vacation. But you never know when a dolphin will attack, devastating our national obsession with this gentle, intelligent creature. And you don't want to go down in history as the kid who made dolphins snap.
Sure the Jetsons were comfortable with this mode of transportation, but your mother is not. Even though the invention is slow-going, there are people out there who may try to lure you into test driving the bicycle of the future. Just say no, unless you want burn marks down your back.
I know you already do this. Please stop. Love, the dog.
Image via ahisgett/Flickr