New Bratz Are 10 Percent Less Trashy

Andrew Dalton
7

They were entangled in a long, long lawsuit with that vengeful bitch Barbie, so maybe like Lindsay or Paris, these dolls had to clean up their style to look innocent in court. Who are they? Bratz! And they're back with a makeunder.

Some of the changes:

  • Their bee-stung lips are now merely mosquito-bitten.
  • Their frighteningly huge heads are now just weirdly big.
  • The skin baring is at a minimum.
  • And not everything is covered in lettered bling. Just faux-fur.

The cleaned-up, sobered up versions of Cloe, Yasmin, Jade, and Sasha aren't sweeping the nation just yet. The dolls are being rolled out slowly by maker MGA, who is putting out 10 new versions later in the year. (Wonder if the newbies will reflect name trends like the originals did. Think there will be a Sophia? An Isabella? Or maybe Izzabella. To make it brattier.) 

The company is dragging their feet because they were hobbled by Barbie like Harding-on-Kerrigan. After a jury ruled in favor of Barbie-maker Mattel over MGA, saying that the guy who designed Bratz did it while he was still working in Barbie's dollhouse, an appeals court overturned it and ordered a new trial.

So MGA is defiantly rolling out the new line, and retailers like Toys R Us are biting, but only lightly. Orders are pretty weak, and Cloe's new face isn't on many backpacks or light-up shoes. Buyers say future legal questions are making them wary.

Of course as a dad this is all pointless for me because I still won't let those little scamps anywhere near my daughter. Hell, I think Barbie is too trashy (and vengeful).

More than anything it's just the bodies that bother me. For all the changes, they're still impossibly, inhumanly thin. And the heels are sky-high of course. 

Happily my 6-year-old, despite being crazy for all things girly, is totally immune to the power of dolls. I pity the rest of you though.

Will you let your kid play with the new classier Bratz?

 

Image via MGA


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