In the finale of VH1's You're Cut Off "Graduation Day," we finally get to see who passed and who failed. Who graduated and who didn't. Who learned something and grew and who stayed the same. And finally, who BS'd their way back into the hearts and pockets and wallets and trust accounts of their loved ones/benefactors and who didn't.
The episode began with the ladies demonstrating how little they've changed. Erica rode Gia and finger-pointed all the ways she hasn't changed without taking a second to look at herself. Jess acted out in what could have been an Anger Management public service announcement. And Pam attached fake hair to her head and curled it for a really long time.
Life Coach Laura Baron (bless her brave soul) has the women write letters to their benefactors, in which they plea to be taken back onto the family payroll and describe all the ways they've positively changed since entering the program.
And then, in the most revealing part of this series, we get to meet the parents of these spoiled princesses. It takes about two seconds to realize why these women are all so rotten. No, their parents are not rotten. Quite the opposite. Almost every one of them came off like a total pushover.
When Laura asked the parents directly how they might have contributed to the spoiled rotten behavior, most of them copped to never being able to say no. And you could tell, they still found it hard -- even after cutting their daughters off and committing them to such a program. (I think they secretly hoped the program would turn their daughters into little Mother Teresas.) Laura recommended to most of them keeping their mooch daughters "cut off" in order to help them to become strong, independent women, and I've never seen so many "deer in the headlight" looks in my life.
Graduation night came and the women sweet talked their benefactors by reading their letters and batting their eyelashes a lot. Gia showed a lot of cleavage for hubs. The parents and Gia's husband all try to be bad asses and lay down the law. They gave each of the women some hardcore ground rules, like these:
- You will get a job.
- You will move out.
- You will pay for your own tanning (Jess almost blew a head gasket and said, "I think tanning will help me get a job!")
- You will do your own laundry.
- You will pay your rent.
- You will pay your bills.
Whoah! Can you imagine having to do all that? Um, I can.
And in Gia's case, the most hardcore of all:
- You will take care of your child, house, laundry, and cook meals!!!
What on Earth?!! Demands so far out of a princess person's reach!
In the end, all of the women agreed to the new terms and got completely giddy at the graduation after-party. I actually don't think they were drunk on champagne. I think they were crazy money drunk. I think they were actually high on the smell of all that free money coming back into their lives again. Somehow I don't think they thought for one second about the faces of the homeless men.
Of course, most of the "Where are they now?" synopses at the end proved nothing much had changed with the princesses after You're Cut Off. It was exciting to see Amber decided to pursue teaching and Leanne to pursue nursing. And sure, Jaqueline cut her shopping sprees from four times a week to just once a week, Gia changed a few of her daughter's diapers, Erica switched to boxed wine, and Jess switched from tanning beds to spray tans. However, none of them have moved out of their parents' houses or gotten jobs, except Amber who's selling diamonds. Erica has had three more plastic surgeries since leaving the show. Poor, poor Erica. Someone get her to a therapist!
I think Courtnee (even though her mom's a total wuss, even slipping her a Benjamin in her graduation card), Jaqueline, and Amber are the only ones with a chance in hell of ever beginning to support themselves. Jess's mom seemed pretty rock solid, but she's got a lot to conquer with that super-tan firecracker.
Are you as sad you wasted your time on this show as I am?
Image via VHI