It's Time for "The Talk"

Cary McNeal

Flickr photo by cbede
My wife informed me yesterday that it's time for her to have The Talk with my almost-9-year-old. You know the one: The birds and the bees. The S word. Thanks for the warning, honey. I plan to be doing something in the yard or running errands. I don't want to be anywhere near that.

Nah, I'm kidding. I'm not hung up about sex, but I won't be part of the discussion, and I'm totally down with that. It'll already be awkward the first time I see the kid after she's learned why her mother and I sometimes lock our bedroom door at night, her knowing look burning a hole through my shame-filled face.

It's not that she doesn't know some things already. When our friend Danna was pregnant a couple of years ago, my daughter asked her mom how the baby would get out of Auntie Danna's belly. When my wife told her the truth, she said my child's eyes got bigger than she'd ever seen them, and the kid blurted, "That's it. I'm adopting!"

I guess she got over that though, because two weeks ago my wife caught her and a friend looking at sexy-ish videos on YouTube. (She checked the Google history later and found that they'd done a search for "people having sex with their cloths [sic] on." I guess they didn't want to see any genitals.) That's when my wife decided it was time for The Talk.

Milestones. I don't like milestones. I want my little girl to stay little. Don't we all?

Am I wrong, or is The Talk largely a female thing? The closest I ever got to a discussion of sex was when I was 15 and had my first serious girlfriend. One day, completely out of the blue, my dad said to me, "I hope you're using condoms, sport, because I'm not ready to be a grandfather." Alrighty, then, Dad! So glad we could share this tender moment together. (((hugs)))

To be honest, I'm glad that's all he ever said about it to me. I didn't want to have The Talk with him, and he certainly didn't want to have it with me. At 15, it was a little late for me anyway, and he obviously knew it. The only thing that chapped my butt was that he assumed that my gf and I were doing the dirty deed. We weren't. We were doing everything else but the deed, but still, how dare he assume! (ha)

But enough about me. I have a few questions for you. When do you think is the best time to talk to your child about sex: When they become curious, or before they become curious? Or never? Have you had to give The Talk to a child yet, and if so, was it difficult or embarrassing?

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