10 Funniest Things Said During Labor

Suzanne Murray | Apr 28, 2012 Being a Mom

funny pregnantBy the 9th month of pregnancy most women are over the "I'm pregnant!" bliss phase and are trying everything they can to just get that baby out of there. They jump up and down, have sex, stuff themselves with pineapple, force some cod liver oil down -- anything they can to start labor.

But once labor actually starts, many of us start wishing we could keep the baby in. Whether it's out of fear or pain, delerium or ecstasy, sometimes the craziest things come out of our mouths as our precious baby enters into the world.

Here are some of the funniest things women have admitted to saying during labor and delivery ...

Image via Loboda Dmytro/shutterstock

  • Her Feet Are Huge!


    "When my daughter first came out, I was crying like a baby because I was so happy she was here. But the first thing I saw were her feet, LOL. Happiest day, moment of my life."

  • I Can See My Coochie Again


    "While I was pushing and my son was coming out, they put a mirror down there so I could see. The first thing I said was, 'Damn, that's a big head.' After he came out, I made the above announcement."

  • Give Me a Beer


    "My labor went very quick. The first thing I said was, 'Give me a Coors light, please." Later that night, my daughter's godmother snuck me in a sippy cup of wine. It tasted good, but after six hours of hard labor, it hit me like a ton of bricks."

  • Keep Her In There!


    "While I was pushing, I got so exhausted and was crying because my boyfriend was deployed and I wanted him here. I wanted to delay things till he got home, but I didn't know what I was thinking. As soon as she was born and they laid her on me to clean her off, I noticed that she looked exactly like my boyfriend. After all that pining I said, 'Gee, I can't believe she looks nothing like me!' "

  • Can Someone Shut That Woman Up?!


    "I yelled this at my doctor after getting very annoyed at the woman across the hall, who was also in labor screaming and hollering."

  • Am I Open?


    "I was having a C-section. The doctor laughed and said, yes, and my husband lost all the color in his face and just nodded."

  • You're Gonna Clean That Up, Right?


    "I had to go to the bathroom, so the nurse took me. My water was still leaking, and it dripped on the floor. I asked her, 'What if someone steps in it?' "

  • That's Not Balls! ...


    " ... that's a vagina! What the hell are we going to name her?!' Said when I discovered that my boy turned out to be a girl."

  • Reach In There and Grab Him!


    "This is what I told the doctor after 20 hours of labor and three hours of active pushing. I had just asked my doula for an epidural, who said I couldn't have one."

  • F*** Jessica Alba


    "When the contractions started coming fast and hard, I screamed this because I'd remembered reading an article about Jessica Alba, who claimed she was completely silent during childbirth. Yeah, right."

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