Parenting

Pregnant Wife Is Furious Husband Refuses To Get a Vasectomy 'Just In Case' She Dies or They Split Up

ParentingPublished Aug 10, 2020
By Lauren Gordon
ringiStock

Some couples know when they are done adding to their brood, and decide to take "final" measure to make sure no happy accidents happen. 

However, while one couple on Reddit agrees that they are done having babies together, they aren't seeing eye-to-eye on how to go about birth control because the dad has some serious "what-if" concerns.

These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.

The husband began explaining that they agree they are on their last pregnancy and are done having kids.

He says his wife has become insistent on a more permanent form of birth control since they reached the decision.  

"She started to push the idea of me getting a vasectomy since that is easier than if she gets her tubes tied," he wrote. "I agree 100% with her on that point, but still was against it. I made up some reasons such as not feeling comfortable with the surgery, fears about one of us changing our mind, etc."

The truth is the dad isn't concerned about the surgery itself or the possibility of changing their minds -- he's worried about the future.

"I have been against the vasectomy because of what it would mean if we ever divorce or if she dies in the next 10 or so year," he admitted. "For one thing it would automatically reduce the dating pool for me since I can't have children easily. For another it would be a pain to have reverse, if that is even possible, in the event I want more kids with my new partner. A lot of this is purely hypothetical thinking but the idea of doing something which would affect my future in such a substantial way seems like a bad bet. On the other hand, if she wants more kids, she could easily change her mind and have them with a new partner."

The husband quickly realized his "flimsy" excuses weren't going to hold up, so he decided to come clean with his reasons.

"It wasn't received well," he said. "She even told me it would have been better to keep lying to her so she didn't have to think about me wanting to leave her for another woman. It may not be a comfortable truth for her or something she wanted to hear, but I think she needed to know where I stood. From my perspective both the content and the phrasing of what I said was respectful and realistic."

Now he wants to know how he did ended up being the jerk when he was merely trying to be honest?

Redditors were quick to tell him exactly why and how what he said was problematic.

"Firstly even if you absolutely do not want to ever get a vasectomy, this is such a [expletive] thing to say to your partner," chastised one reader. This would be relationship ending for me if my partner told me they had plans beyond me. Even if it's TRUE you don't tell your partner that it's just flat out MEAN. You get to make a choice about your own body regardless, any other information is moot. Secondly, if you are talking about having no more children with your partner, why the hell would you want more children after her? You either eventually don't want any more children or you do. Figure it out. Thirdly, you're a [expletive] if you make her get sterilization before you do. It's just. So egotistical."

Others emphasized just how hypocritical (and honestly, weird) it is to say that he was done having kids with just her.

"If you think you might want more kids, why wouldn't you just say 'I don't want to because I'm not sure if I might want more kids?' Why did you have to say 'with another woman,'" posed another user. "The problem as I see it is that you are simultaneously saying you're happy with the number of kids you (are about to) have and are done, but also might want more kids with someone else? How does that work? If you divorce, do you feel like your first family wouldn't really count any more? That's the bit that would upset me the most. Not that my husband was thinking of possible divorce, but that he's only done having kids with me."

Though a few did emphasize he has a right to do with his body whatever he wants to.

"...you're not the [expletive] for not wanting a vasectomy, in case you ever want more children (if you really feel you one day might)," compromised one reader. "But it would be a pretty jerk thing to tell your pregnant wife that the reason you don't want one is because you're preparing a backup plan for your eventual, hypothetical divorce/her early death."

Hopefully this dad sees the issue with what he said, and he and his wife work it out.

Cafemom Logo
This is motherhood #nofilter

AboutTermsContactPrivacyPRIVACY SETTINGSSUBMIT A STORY
© 2024 WILD SKY MEDIA.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
PART OF WILD SKY MEDIA
| FAMILY & PARENTING
CAFEMOMMAMÁSLATINAS
LITTLETHINGSMOM.COM
This site is owned and operated by Bright Mountain Media, Inc., a publicly owned company trading with the symbol: BMTM.