Pregnant Mom Fed Up With MIL's 'Non-Stop' Guilt Trips For Moving Out of Tiny, Shared Apartment


moving truck

In-laws, well-intentioned or not, can be hard to deal with. But imagine living in immediate proximity to one for five years. That's what one mama is dealing with as her, her husband, daughter and soon-to-be newborn are finally leaving "the nest" for a place of their own. Only her mother-in-law won't stop guilt-tripping her over it. 

  • For the past five years, the family has all been living together, and the mom does realize what a big change this will be for her. 

    She noted that her daughter and MIL are extremely close and that once they move to their new home (roughly 2 1/2 hours away), she will be all alone for the first time in a long time. However, the incessant guilt trips are starting to wear this six-month pregnant stressed-out mama down. 

    The woman wrote on Reddit: "She is the apartment manager at our complex and I'm home all the time... so I hear pretty much everything she says to her tenants (and she is aware of this)." 

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  • The conversations she overhears mostly go like this:

    MIL: Oh yeah they’re moving away from me.

    TENANT: Oh no that’s so sad, why would they move away?

    MIL: I don't know, I guess they just don't want to live with me anymore.

  • But the reality is, it's a totally unreasonable amount of space to live in. 

    "My fiancée, my daughter, and I share a 240 sq ft room, she has birds that are CONSTANTLY screaming, we cannot fit 4 people in such a small place," she wrote. "The rest of the apartment is hers but it's not much bigger and her birds make it hell to venture in the living room and kitchen."

  • So honestly, she is struggling a bit with the constant commentary. 

    "I'm trying really hard to be empathetic because I know this is going to be really hard on her but the incessant guilt trips are making me [expletive] crazy,"  she wrote. "I've tried talking with her about why we're leaving, she says she understands but then continues the passive aggressive guilt trips. We're moving in 3 weeks and I know that's not a lot of time left to have to listen to her but man it is driving me up the wall."

    So now the mom is looking for advice on how to let it slide until they move out.
  • "Honestly, don't worry about it," advised one reader. "She will get over it."

    The commenter continued:

    "A 35 year-old man does not need to be living with Mommy. The three of you need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Let her know you appreciate her allowing you guys to stay while you get on your feet, but this was never supposed to be a permanent arrangement. Assure her that you love her and she will still have visits and video calls with your children. It's time to cut the umbilical cord, and she needs to let go."

  • Though some advised her to be a little more forceful in her requests to stop, overall most people said to just let it go. 

    "You're moving in 3 weeks? Ignore it," advised another reader. "You are not wrong AT ALL, she is. You're pregnant, already have a child, and you need more space. Honestly it wouldn't matter if you had no reason at all -- it is your life, you get to choose where to live and what makes you happy, and you have no reason to apologize for it. The only reason I say to ignore it is you already made your feelings known, she chose to ignore and dismiss your feelings, and she isn't going to change. Focus on packing, planning your move and taking care of your family. You will be happier for it."

  • The key here wasn't just standing up to the MIL, it was getting the support of her partner. 

    "You likely won't fundamentally change your MIL, but your partner can (and should) change," one commenter noted. "He can love you both, of course, but his absolute loyalty has got to be to you. You need extra support at this time too, with your body working hard (congratulations!). You MIL has a simple choice to make--get on board with the move or she'll be cut off. Her behavior has consequences. And if she just doesn't let up for the next 3 weeks, try to concentrate on keeping yourself as healthy as possible -- physically and mentally."