Mom Says Dead Ex's Mistress Wants to Share Custody & Thinks She Deserves It

Twenty20/@deann.dunn

Woman and little girl
Twenty20/@deann.dunn

One mom has the internet up in arms, after she explained that the woman her now dead ex-husband cheated on her with has asked for custody of her daughter. Yep, you read that right. Obviously people have feelings about the situation and many argued that this mom has no reason to feel guilty for turning the woman down.

  • The mom explained that after her ex cheated on her, she was able to mend things for her daughter's sake.

    It takes an incredibly big person to be able to be friends with a partner who cheated on her, but this mom did it after her husband had an affair with "Violet." As she explained in a Reddit post, once she confronted her then-husband about the affair, he admitted to her that he and Violet were in love. They then got divorced and he and Violet officially got together, although they never technically tied the knot.

    "She became pretty much like a step-mom figure in my daughter’s life (they lived together), to the point where I know Violet loves her like a daughter," the mom added. "Which I am fine with. My daughter having many people that loves her is a good thing."

    The mom wrote that her ex died about four years ago and although it was hard, she was OK with Violet staying in her daughter's life. "There were a few times I felt Violet overstepped and I would be careful about talking to her, because I didn’t want to hurt feelings and I knew it was tricky," she continued.

  • Advertisement
  • But things got more than awkward when the mom told Violet she got a new job out of state and the mistress asked for a formal custody arrangement.

    Reddit post
    Reddit

    Her daughter was excited for the move, the mom shared, but Violet was decidedly not. "She asked if I would be willing to do a custody arrangement of sorts. She wants to take my daughter one weekend a month (she’ll come get her) and for a few weeks every summer," she wrote.

    But obviously, the mom thought this plan was a little much. "I was turned off by this and told her no. I said we’d be back to visit," the mom continued. "She said I didn’t get how close they had become. I reminded her that while I appreciate that, I don’t want to agree to anything permanent. She got really hurt and said this isn’t what my ex would’ve wanted."

    Which is why the mom is now feeling a tad guilty. Was she being too harsh for not agreeing to a formal custody plan?

  • Most people thought Violet was being too bold by asking for custody. 


    "It really is a bold move to try to guilt trip the woman who’s home you wrecked bringing up the cheating husband’s wishes," one commenter wrote.

    "Who gives a rat's [expletive] what your ex would have wanted?" another person added. "I would have told Violet NO, too."

    And someone else warned that the mom shouldn't make it legal. "Do not put anything in writing giving anyone custody of your daughter. She can still be a part of your daughter's life. She doesn't need a set schedule. She's overstepping for even asking," the commenter wrote.

  • But some (very) generous people advised that the mom talk it out with her daughter first.


    "Have you spoken to your daughter about it?" one commenter asked. "She's old enough that she might have some input here. You're an incredible mother (in my opinion), to have put your own feelings aside for the benefit of your kid in the face of a difficult and heartbreaking mess."

    And a second person agreed that she might be acting too hastily. "It seems that your daughter loves this second mother figure in her life and not agreeing would hurt your daughter’s feelings immensely," the redditor wrote.  "Plus, Violet isn’t asking for too much in terms of custody agreements. For the sake of your daughter, I would set up the agreement. Just make sure it’s in writing so you don’t run into any legal trouble down the line."

    "Your and your daughter's wishes are important. Let your daughter tell you when she wants to go visit and for how long. If it fits the family's schedule, check Violet's availability and sync schedules," someone else advised.

    But later in the thread, the mom shared that her daughter wasn't that attached to her father's girlfriend. "She basically said she doesn't care how often she sees her. I think she'd rather spend weekends with friends and she doesn't want to agree to anything permanent," she wrote.

cheating