20 Women Spill their Secret to Making New Mom Friends

Stacy Lenz | Mar 20, 2019 Being a Mom
20 Women Spill their Secret to Making New Mom Friends
Image: seb_ra/iStock.com

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Growing up can be anxiety-inducing. We spend so much of our young lives trying to find our place in the world. Meeting new friends and new partners, it feels as if all of youth is spent in a scramble to find "our people." Even though now we might have to spend more time gently moisturizing under our eyes (because seriously, we keep trying to tell ourselves we are just tired and dehydrated and this is 100 percent not what our face looks like now), a major benefit of growing older is we've found our tribe. If we're lucky we have a partner to parent with and a group of friends, but then, boom, we have a baby and realize, wait, we need mom friends.

Making new friends as an adult is hard! Just when we thought the perils of making new friends was behind us, here we are putting ourselves out there all over again. One thing we can take solace in is that it's not just us. For this list CafeMom polled our readers about their experiences making friends with other parents, and by and large everyone agreed it felt just like dating again. From having to mingle and eye up potential friends to nervously initiating the first hang out to even worrying about the follow-up text, the parallels were endless.

Luckily there's another dating parallel -- putting consistent effort into the search will lead to meeting great new people! It was heartening to hear so many success stories of people finding new friends who they can relate to both about parenting and about life, especially to other people who know how isolating parenting can be.

  • Put the Care in Daycare

    1
    GMVozd/iStock.com

    Our wonderful group of parent friends from daycare came about because one of the parents suggested we get the kids together for a play date at their house and kept it very easy by just ordering pizza. Then we all took turns doing the same. We all get along so well because we have similar parenting philosophies, acknowledge our kids aren’t angels, give each other a safe place to vent, and we all genuinely love being around each other.

  • MOPS

    2
    seb_ra/iStock.com

    I joined a mothers of preschoolers (MOPS) group when I resigned from my job after my 2nd was born. We have since moved from that city but 4 of those ladies are still my best friends. I joined another MOPS group when we moved and that helped me initially meet friends, learn about different things about the area and made me feel a part of something.

  • Another Reason to Play Sports

    3
    Lorado/iStock.com

    I love meeting the moms of my kids' friends through preschool drop-off and youth sports. When we first moved last year I was dropping off my daughter at preschool and one of the moms approached me and said, "I know you're new here so probably don't have any friends yet. My daughter talks about your daughter all the time so let's get together." Our families are great friends now and I'm so thankful for her boldness.

  • It's Hard Out There

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    skynesher/iStock.com

    Making friends with parents here is a nightmare if I'm being honest! There are no moms I’ve found who are like me (single, not stuck up, etc.) so it’s hard to make actual friends. Almost all my friends are childless! I’m hoping to make mom friends once my daughter is in actual school and not just preschool. 

  • It's a Date

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    FluxFactory/iStock.com

    I have only made friends through daycare and I use the excuse that our kids should have a playdate. It’s always awkward and I worry about rejection to the point it feels like dating all over again. I find myself wondering how soon after the play date can I text the mom.

  • Mommy and Friends

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    monkeybusinessimages/iStock.com

    Mommy and me classes really started me on meeting friends. From there I took my son to art classes and story time at the library to be around other moms. Once he got into school, I volunteered as homeroom mom and that has helped too.

  • Friends Around the Country

    7
    PeopleImages/iStock.com

    When I was pregnant with my first, I sent an email out on my neighborhood listserve looking for other first-time moms. We created a wonderful group of neighbors and are still a support group four years later. Life has taken half of us to other cities or towns but our bond is still strong. 

  • Friends Around the World

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    AleksandarNakic/iStock.com

    Also, I am a member of a secret mom's group on Facebook that is worldwide. It's a group whose mission is to be supportive and non-judgemental. We cap the group at 500 and twice a year we allow people to opt out or join. When new people join, they may not understand the mission of the group, so we take the time to explain how judgement of other moms helps no one. It is the most incredible group of women, and now I have friends worldwide who I can turn to for advice or support, or just hilarious mom memes.

  • There's an App for That

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    agrobacter/iStock.com

    Stay with me now. I joined a neighborhood Facebook group and from there I found a neighborhood mother's group, from that mother's group I found a spin-off for babies born when my daughter was and from there someone shared a What's App link. In the What's App link, is a group chat of local moms that is literally happening all day long. I can just pop in whenever I need support or a friend to ask a question to.

  • Friendship TBD

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    Comeback Images/iStock.com

    A mom posted on Next Door looking for mom groups. As someone in the market for mom friends, I jumped on the opportunity and messaged her with a list of groups and then she asked me for coffee. Sure, we have not hung out since, but since our babies are still so little I'm hopeful for a friendship in the future.

  • Acquaintance Friends

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    champlifezy@gmail.com/iStock.com

    There are tons of women I've been friends with over time just because we're moms and were forced to interact with each other, basically being friendly made the time pass more pleasantly. However, when our kids fell out of friendship with each other, we didn't actively continue to pursue socializing. They aren't real friends in the sense that we ever get together without kids.

  • Not Single But Ready to Mingle

    12
    Weekend Images Inc./iStock.com

    I started going to a mom's group eyeing up a mom to befriend, but then she stopped coming! Luckily, at the end of the meeting another mom approached me. It was a lot more like singles mingling this time around and my game was so rusty. She told me she thought my baby's name was cool and decided we should be friends and exchanged phone numbers.

  • A Chance Meeting

    13
    DZM/iStock.com

    We had just moved and I was trying to take my twin toddlers to the park and we ran into another woman in the building with a toddler the exact same age. The girls even looked alike. I hopped on the opportunity and we exchanged numbers.

  • Friends Everywhere

    14
    FatCamera/iStock.com

    I made really nice friends from a local online group. I made more really nice friends when my daughter turned 2 and started preschool. And it now continues since she started elementary school. I've just been really lucky!

  • Tween Troubles

    15
    Engin Ozber/iStock.com

    Finding parent friends was easy when my child was a toddler but got really hard as a tween. The only involvement she wants for me in her social life is to have me take her places. I'm lucky if I even get to meet the parents of her friends, much less get to know them.

  • Toddler Troubles

    16
    kali9/iStock.com

    I find the toddler stage really hard to make friends. You meet this cool new mom friend and then, BAM -- your kid bites her kid. It really helps to find people that parent in similar styles to you so you can resolve things the same way.

  • Playground Friends

    17
    kali9/iStock.com

    I started taking my kid to the same playground every time I could so we started seeing the same families each time. I started off slow, just saying hi and commenting when our kids were playing together and eventually a friendship formed.

  • Everyone Loves a Funny Person

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    FlamingoImages/iStock.com

    You know how women love funny men? It's the same with women. We're not used to needing to be funny, but when we hit those years when we're not hip and happening anymore, cultivating a sense of humor is going to draw other women in. Look for opportunities to see the humor in things, laugh a lot at yourself and think of funny stories to tell when you meet a woman you might want to cultivate. Also turn on the charm and show a lot of interest in them. 

  • It'll Get Easier

    19
    fizkes/iStock.com

    For me, didn’t happen until we were in school and then it was so easy! But first two years were tough. Trust, it will get easier and more natural ... but effort is required, which is hard for us introverts. 

  • It's Like Dating

    20
    monkeybusinessimages/iStock.com

    Treat (it) like dating. You have to be out there meeting people, exchanging phone numbers and making connections. Move on if you are ignored or someone gets tiresome (you or other mom). Eventually it all pays off.

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