20 Impressive Lies Our Children Told Us (But We Would Never Admit That to Them)

Stacy Lenz | Feb 12, 2019 Being a Mom
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  • It's the Foundations

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    We're going to have to remember this one.

    "My son farted and then told said it was 'the house settling.'"

  • College Students Are Fun

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    "She said lost her car keys down a storm drain, then said her boyfriend had them when they really were in her purse, hidden under a flap. Oh, and that a random girl dropped her phone in a puddle when it really fell in the toilet. I'm impressed she fit that all in one crazy night of partying."

  • As Long As He Uses the Potty

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    "We started potty training, and when my son uses the potty, we would give him a treat. He's only 3 but he figured out he can just start telling me he went to the potty and then ask for a treat. It doesn't work, but can't blame the kid for trying."

  • Chip Mystery Solved

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    "My kid can't lie, well he does... Then he explains that he just lied and why.

    'Charlie, how did these chips wind up so over the floor!?!'

    'I dunno. Someone must have spilled then and then didn't clean then up. I have no idea...'

    'Oh, it's a mystery!?'

    'Yup. And by the way mom, it was me. I did it. I just said I didn't know who did it cause I didn't want to clean it up.'"

  • Mike the Ghost

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    "Granted my oldest is only 3 1/2, so lies are relatively undeveloped but he told me the other day that his imaginary friend (Mike the Ghost) buries treasure in my plants. Upon investigating the situation further, I found three Hot Wheels cars, two bouncy balls and a half-eaten lollipop spread throughout the soil of my bay window plants. Oh Holy Ghost!"

  • Some Things You Don't Grow Out Of

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    "When my son was 3 I had found a bag of Cheetos tucked under his pillow. I asked him why he had them and he said he had no clue. I believed him until the next night I heard something weird and jumped out of bed to investigate. I walked out in the hallway to see a very naughty but cute 3-year-old eating Cheetos. He's 19 now and I still find bags of hot Cheetos in his room."

  • It Runs in the Family

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    "One time my son tricked me into thinking it was Thursday, not Friday, and thus a night we're allowed to watch a movie. That same evening I tricked him into thinking I was in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids while we watched it. We both were impressed with each other."

  • Treats for Everyone

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    "When one of my kids was feeling very artistic and drew on their bedroom wall, she said the dog did it, so I gave the dog a biscuit for being so clever. The she wanted a biscuit as well for 'helping' the dog."

  • We Dare You to Fact Check

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    "Not my kid but my friend's daughter (during DARE week) told her teacher that her uncle smokes weed. She doesn’t have an uncle and her mom found out because the counselor called her. She was embarrassed so she confronted her daughter and her daughter said all the kids were boring so she wanted to give them some excitement. She was in second grade. She’ll be graduating this year and we all still joke about that until this day."

  • Oy Vey

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    "My stepson told his teacher that he was Jewish and forgot to do his homework because he was too busy studying for his Bar Mitzvah. She believed him. We are not Jewish."

  • At Least She's Polite

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    "If someone tries to feed my daughter something she doesn't like, she will tell people no thank you because she's gluten-free. She's not, but at least she's being polite."

  • Maybe She's Born With It, Maybe It's All a Lie

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    "My 5-year-old tells all her friends that I am a famous YouTube makeup vlogger. When her little friends want to see my channel, she tells them that it's only for adults so they can’t see it. I just hope their parents don't get the wrong idea..."

  • Oscar-Worthy Performance

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    "My daughter hated mashed potatoes so much, but one family dinner her uncle made her eat a bite. She dramatically stood up from the table and ran to the bathroom, covering her mouth. She returned telling everyone the potatoes made her throw up. I knew it was all an act, but I think my brother-in-law bought it. He never asked her to try anything again after that."

  • Potty Sabotage

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    "My 3-year-old was caught pouring water on the floor and saying 'Frankie peed!' during his brother's potty training. By the time we caught him, he had already framed Frank three times."

  • He Had Us Until the End

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    "This was a story my son told at school. None of it is true. He's 3.

    'There was a fire in my house, it was in the basement. Parker ran outside and fell on the grass and there was a water bottle that was glass. Parker had a cut on his knee so Mommy and Daddy took him to the hospital. I called 911 and the firemen came to my house, there was three firetrucks and eight firemans. The firemans put water on the fire and stayed with me because I was by myself. The doctor gave Parker a car. The firemans gave me a little fire hat.'"

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