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20 Impressive Lies Our Children Told Us (But We Would Never Admit That to Them)

Being a Mom Stacy Lenz Feb 12, 2019


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Children have so many things going for them: they are sweet and silly, optimistic and eager to learn, and their joyfulness is contagious. But those things are not what we are focusing on today. Today, we are focusing on the fact children can be selfish little monsters who try to manipulate their loving parents for their own personal agendas. (We know it's not entirely their fault because their little brains are still growing, but still it's not ideal for those loving parents.) Simply put, children are little stinking liars. Luckily, because they are so bad at it, they're also stinking cute.

Some may consider childhood tall tales just an example of their child's creativity and that these stories are the first chapter in the kiddo's burgeoning career as a best-selling novelist. Others may think these spun stories are the first steps down the path to being a career criminal. It's most likely neither, it's just a toddler seeing if she can wind up with an extra cookie. Their sponge-like brains are soaking up the world around them, and with it, the fact that sometimes they want something. Children figure they have to get a little creative to get what they want, despite what adoring parents may have taught them about honesty being the best policy. 

We asked those adoring parents what the most impressive lie their children ever told them was and we were impressed with the results. Sometimes, a kid just wants to tell the class his dad is in Blue Man group to keep things interesting -- we get it!

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1

Let's Play Guinea Pig Salon

"My daughter gave her beautiful long-haired guinea pig a crew cut and convinced me that my son’s emotionally disturbed friend broke into our house and did it. She was that convincing. And it was a creative and smart choice in terms of picking a suspect. A few weeks later, she fessed up, saying 'how could I admit to myself that I did that to Daisy?!' She was 6. Impressed might be the wrong word..."

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2

A Roving Gang of Backpack Thieves

"I found a paper in Ethan’s backpack when he was 6 or 7 and the word F*CK had been somewhat scratched out. I asked him why he wrote that and he said he’d never heard that word and didn’t know what it meant. He said someone else must’ve hijacked his backpack and put it there, then got embarrassed and worried they’d get caught."

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3

The Confidence 

"My 4-year-old grabbed a handful of M&Ms, shoved them into her mouth and then spit half of them out onto the floor right in front of me. She looked me dead in the eye and said 'Don’t look at that. Didn’t happen.'"

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4

Heartwarming (But Still Not True)

"Not really a lie as much as an imaginative story, but still totally untrue. My son started telling this story at around 4 and continues it occasionally to this day (he’ll be 12 in May). The story: When he was in my belly, he built a house for his little sister before he came out because she wasn’t ready to leave yet. He spent days building this house and making sure she was safe and warm because he wouldn’t be there with her anymore once he was born. He says she was really tiny at that time, so he could have built a small house, if he built a bigger one so she could grow into it."

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5

If You Say So, Kid

"My daughter’s daycare is in a shopping center with a Realtor next door. The Realtor's window has one of those LED signs that scroll messages about house sales, etc. One morning when she was 2 she said that it was her 'school sign.' I asked her what it said, and she said 'School is closed tomorrow. Stay home.'"

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6

It's the Foundations

We're going to have to remember this one.

"My son farted and then told said it was 'the house settling.'"

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7

College Students Are Fun

"She said lost her car keys down a storm drain, then said her boyfriend had them when they really were in her purse, hidden under a flap. Oh, and that a random girl dropped her phone in a puddle when it really fell in the toilet. I'm impressed she fit that all in one crazy night of partying."

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8

As Long As He Uses the Potty

"We started potty training, and when my son uses the potty, we would give him a treat. He's only 3 but he figured out he can just start telling me he went to the potty and then ask for a treat. It doesn't work, but can't blame the kid for trying."

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9

Chip Mystery Solved

"My kid can't lie, well he does... Then he explains that he just lied and why.

'Charlie, how did these chips wind up so over the floor!?!'

'I dunno. Someone must have spilled then and then didn't clean then up. I have no idea...'

'Oh, it's a mystery!?'

'Yup. And by the way mom, it was me. I did it. I just said I didn't know who did it cause I didn't want to clean it up.'"

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10

Mike the Ghost

"Granted my oldest is only 3 1/2, so lies are relatively undeveloped but he told me the other day that his imaginary friend (Mike the Ghost) buries treasure in my plants. Upon investigating the situation further, I found three Hot Wheels cars, two bouncy balls and a half-eaten lollipop spread throughout the soil of my bay window plants. Oh Holy Ghost!"

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11

Some Things You Don't Grow Out Of

"When my son was 3 I had found a bag of Cheetos tucked under his pillow. I asked him why he had them and he said he had no clue. I believed him until the next night I heard something weird and jumped out of bed to investigate. I walked out in the hallway to see a very naughty but cute 3-year-old eating Cheetos. He's 19 now and I still find bags of hot Cheetos in his room."

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12

It Runs in the Family

"One time my son tricked me into thinking it was Thursday, not Friday, and thus a night we're allowed to watch a movie. That same evening I tricked him into thinking I was in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids while we watched it. We both were impressed with each other."

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13

Treats for Everyone

"When one of my kids was feeling very artistic and drew on their bedroom wall, she said the dog did it, so I gave the dog a biscuit for being so clever. The she wanted a biscuit as well for 'helping' the dog."

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14

We Dare You to Fact Check

"Not my kid but my friend's daughter (during DARE week) told her teacher that her uncle smokes weed. She doesn’t have an uncle and her mom found out because the counselor called her. She was embarrassed so she confronted her daughter and her daughter said all the kids were boring so she wanted to give them some excitement. She was in second grade. She’ll be graduating this year and we all still joke about that until this day."

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15

Oy Vey

"My stepson told his teacher that he was Jewish and forgot to do his homework because he was too busy studying for his Bar Mitzvah. She believed him. We are not Jewish."

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16

At Least She's Polite

"If someone tries to feed my daughter something she doesn't like, she will tell people no thank you because she's gluten-free. She's not, but at least she's being polite."

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17

Maybe She's Born With It, Maybe It's All a Lie

"My 5-year-old tells all her friends that I am a famous YouTube makeup vlogger. When her little friends want to see my channel, she tells them that it's only for adults so they can’t see it. I just hope their parents don't get the wrong idea..."

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18

Oscar-Worthy Performance

"My daughter hated mashed potatoes so much, but one family dinner her uncle made her eat a bite. She dramatically stood up from the table and ran to the bathroom, covering her mouth. She returned telling everyone the potatoes made her throw up. I knew it was all an act, but I think my brother-in-law bought it. He never asked her to try anything again after that."

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19

Potty Sabotage

"My 3-year-old was caught pouring water on the floor and saying 'Frankie peed!' during his brother's potty training. By the time we caught him, he had already framed Frank three times."

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20

He Had Us Until the End

"This was a story my son told at school. None of it is true. He's 3.

'There was a fire in my house, it was in the basement. Parker ran outside and fell on the grass and there was a water bottle that was glass. Parker had a cut on his knee so Mommy and Daddy took him to the hospital. I called 911 and the firemen came to my house, there was three firetrucks and eight firemans. The firemans put water on the fire and stayed with me because I was by myself. The doctor gave Parker a car. The firemans gave me a little fire hat.'"

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