7 Real Ways Kids Totally Ruin Christmas


The tree is up, the stockings have been hung, and the elves are on the shelves. Christmas is here. And it's a completely different experience when you have kids. There's no sleeping in until noon, having a nice quiet breakfast, and quietly exchanging a couple of gifts with your closest loved ones. One minute you're fighting over dolls in Toys 'R' Us on Thanksgiving night, and the next you're sitting under a mountain of wrapping paper wondering how you got there. Christmas has undoubtedly changed for parents, and we're here to tell you about the many ways kids totally ruin* the holiday.

*We are being 100% sarcastic, by the way.

  • 1. Their letters to Santa are the worst.

    What parents want an adorable keepsake that captures everything great about their kids at this exact moment in time? They're always asking for adorable stuff, like for Santa to bring them a new sibling or presents for mommy and daddy. Don't they know they're supposed to be asking to be showered with dolls and iPads?

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  • 2. Watching them open gifts is horrible.

    Seeing their eyes light up with joy as they tear into their gifts is probably the worst part of Christmas morning. What parent actually wants to just sit there and watch that?

  • 3. They’re constantly singing Christmas songs.

    Who cares if they sound adorable as hell singing the wrong lyrics to "Jingle Bell Rock"? All parents really want is some peace and quiet so we can listen to more horrifying news stories on NPR. That's what this season is really about!

  • 4. They can't buy you any nice gifts because they have no money.

    Instead, you’re stuck with stupid sentimental presents that you’ll have to treasure forever. Who wants that?

  • 5. There's a never-ending parade of Christmas TV specials.

    So what if Charlie Brown and the gang have aged exceedingly well? Who cares if Rudolph in stop-motion will literally never stop being funny? For parents, our absolute least favorite thing is reliving the fond memories of our youth through our kids.

  • 6. Making your own family traditions is the actual worst.

    No parents ever want to put all that time and effort into establishing Christmas traditions that are going to give their kids countless happy memories for a lifetime. Just the thought of it is ridiculous!

  • 7. They're jolly all the effing time.

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    Having your kids' holiday cheer rub off on you if just the worst, especially when it starts making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You have better things to do besides getting swept up in holiday happiness with your precious babies!