Announcing This Year's Insanely Complicated School Spirit Week!

Paramount Pictures

To: All Parents
From: Administration
Subject: This year's school spirit week

Welcome back! We'd like to kick off the school year by outlining the days in our upcoming spirit week –- we really tried to outdo ourselves this year.


Monday -- Wear your teacher's favorite color: Dandelion.

Please dress your student in the school principal's favorite color: Dandelion. Not yellow, not chartreuse, and definitely not lemon. Yes, this was the color that Crayola recently retired (please don't mention this to Mr. Sawyer). If you don't have a child-sized dandelion shirt already hanging in your child's closet, just spend some time creating your own dye by harvesting and boiling real dandelions.

Tuesday -- We have too many good ideas to choose from day!

8:00am-9:00am: Dress like it's the '80s. The 1480s.

9:00am-10:00am: Dress as your favorite spirit. (Just not a religious or alcoholic kind.)

More from CafeMom: Thanks for Nothing, Daniel Tiger -- You've Taught My Kids to Be Ridiculous

10:00am-11:00am: Dress as your favorite vintage math tool. (Don't everyone choose abacus!)

11:00am-1:00pm: Extreme diorama-making contest! Please read the attached 20-page rule manual to prepare.

1:00pm-2:00pm: Upside down hour. Everyone must walk on their hands.

2:00pm-3:00pm: Climate change hour. Dress as your favorite soon-to-be-extinct animal or iceberg.

Wednesday -- School spirit lunch.

For this very special spirit day, we will be shutting down the cafeteria so everyone can bring in potluck items made from scratch. Food cannot be store-bought! Don't cut corners by picking up premade cookie dough or store-bought mayonnaise –- we will be able to tell. Don't ask how.

More from CafeMom: 16 Enchanting Gothic Baby Names That Are Totally Overlooked

Please make sure to visit the sources of all ingredients. Avoid vegetables grown in inhumane conditions (e.g., a greenhouse that plays Milli Vanilli). Ingesting angry broccoli will mean your kid will won't be able to focus during our 18 weeks of standardized testing. An ideal stalk of corn would be grown in a giant indoor terrarium with a caretaker whispering daily affirmations into it. Please also affix a label to your potluck food that has a detailed nutrition and calorie fact sheet and an original label design created by your child.

Thursday -- Resting spirit day.

No need to do anything this day. You'll probably be exhausted.

Friday -- Hamilton Day.

We'll round out the week by paying homage to the popular musical Hamilton. Students must dress in 18th century period wear, so best to start learning how to sew silk taffeta and breeches. Students must also individually prep an original music number in the spirit of Hamilton. They can't just sing an existing song from the musical -- they need to create their own original words and live musical accompaniment. The day will culminate in a school assembly where each student will perform his or her song in an American Idol–style competition. This year's competition will be judged by an Academy Award nominee, a NASA astronaut, and a Jamberry representative.

We hope you enjoy the spirit week! Mark your calendars for the first week in April. We know this is several months away, but you're probably going to need to start prepping now.

Read More >