Everything changes once you become a parent -- and not just in the adorable, "life is so much sweeter now" kind of way. Sure, kids are cute, but they also bring huge messes, utter exhaustion, and random bodily fluids (yikes) -- and they make almost everything you do just a little bit harder.
Being a parent never really gets easier, but it helps if you at least have a good sense of humor. That's why we love the hilarious moms and dads on Twitter. Every week, they sum up the funniest, most annoying, and most WTF parts of being a parent in 140 characters or less. Here, a collection of the funniest parenting tweets we scrolled past this week.
1. They can't all be MVPs.
[at son's Little League game]— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 17, 2017
ME: which one's yours
OTHER MOM: the pitcher. You?
ME: the one performing Lord of the Dance in left field
2. Sometimes it's best not to argue.
2: Can I have fruit snacks?— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) May 18, 2017
M: No, I'd like you to eat something real. Here is some actual fruit.
2: FRUIT SNACKS! FRUIT SNACKS FOREVER!!!
3. But can you make it disappear?
Unless you're throwing it away, I don't want to see your fidget spinner trick.— she's unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) May 17, 2017
4. It's never too early.
Some parents wait for their kids to act up in public before threatening them, but I start threatening mine before we even leave the house.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) May 12, 2017
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5. Kids force you to face your own mortality ... daily.
KID: I wanna live in California when I'm 18.— Drew Magary (@drewmagary) May 11, 2017
ME: Sounds good to me.
KID: You can come too. I mean, if you're still alive.
ME: WTF man
6. Pretty much.
friend: What's it like having kids?— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 15, 2017
me *says something that doesn't make any fucking sense*
7. Really, you shouldn't have.
Thx for handing out fake tattoos at your birthday party so I can see half a paw patrol character on my toddler's forearm for 3 months.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) May 16, 2017
8. What does that even mean?
I hate when people ask if my newborn is a "good baby" and I have to tell them that he cries a lot and about how he keeps robbing banks— Ash (@adult_mom) May 12, 2017
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9. Never grow up. No, really. Don't.
When my kids are depressed, I like to be helpful by reminding them these are the best years of their lives and it only gets worse.— Carbosly (@Carbosly) May 15, 2017
10. Almost there.
Live footage of me and my husband trying to make it to the end of the school year. pic.twitter.com/IxZLHMusFO— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 16, 2017
11. Don't give away the family secrets.
PEDIATRICIAN: What activities do you like?— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) May 17, 2017
P: But how do you get moving?
ME: Shhh, sweetie, that's "code word" information.
12. That'll be an interesting phone call.
My son adds a "y" to the animal's name for his stuffed animals (Tiger-y, Lion-y)— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 18, 2017
My wife got him a platypus
Show & tell tomorrow will rock
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Other Mom: So which summer camp are you doing?— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) May 16, 2017
Me: Whichever one will keep my kids the longest.
14. Silver linings.
Target stopped selling poster board, but started selling wine. So that's half of my list for this kindergarten research project crossed off.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) May 15, 2017
15. The truth hurts.
No thanks, tattoos.— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) May 17, 2017
I'm a parent so I already have something permanent and obnoxious.
16. You got that?
"Go play with your sister, but stay away from her."— To Be Honest... (@snotnboogers23) May 14, 2017
— Me, parenting.