Why This Mom Writes Mother's Day Cards She'll Never Mail

mothers day cards
Ripped Jeans and Bifocals by Jill Robbins/Facebook

Once you become a parent, you can't imagine not having the opportunity to see your children grow up. That's part of the reason why one mom, who adopted her two sons from China, writes Mother's Day cards to her boys' birth mothers each year -- though she knows she'll never be able to mail them.


Jill Robbins, who writes the blog Ripped Jeans and Bifocals, reveals why this tradition means so much to her in a heartfelt Facebook post that will leave you awe-inspired.

She explains: "I write my sons' birth mothers (yes, there are two different birth moms) a card every year. I've done this every year that we've had them. I write little snippets of what they've done and accomplished every year, and what their challenges and accomplishments have been."

But because "there's no such thing as an open Chinese adoption," Robbins notes that she'll never actually be able to give these tender messages to their rightful owners.

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Robbins's compassion for her boys' birth mothers is inspiring, as she imagines how much her children were loved by the women who ultimately had to make the incredibly tough decision to give them up. This mom is not seeking answers; rather, she's hoping to offer comfort. She writes: 

I have a pretty happy life. I don't want for much, but if I could have one wish I would want my boys' birth mothers to know the babies they carried are safe and loved. Cherished. Thriving. Part of a family.

So, I buy those cards every year. I write in them. Somewhere on the other side of the world there are two women who would probably give anything to get them.

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She's so right. We're all familiar with that quote from Elizabeth Stone that so accurately likens being a mother to having "your heart go walking around outside your body." It's almost unbearable to imagine spending your life wondering how your own child is doing and how he or she has turned out. Robbins totally gets that.

She's also honest and acknowledges that part of the reason she engages in this ritual is for herself. It's her way of showing and sharing her gratitude.

"I write these cards for me," she writes. "I hold them against my chest before putting them in a shoebox that sits on my closet shelf and I squeeze my eyes shut and I wish so hard that these women who gave me the gifts of my boys can know how much I cherish them."

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It's not unusual for birth moms who give their child up for adoption to wonder if they did the right thing for their little one. Robbins recognizes that too, and in sharing her story, she is asking that others think about the hard decision these moms made as well. She writes:

Adoption is complicated. You might know someone who is a mom through adoption. You might know someone who has made an adoption plan...AKA given up their child for adoption. 

Hug all those mamas. Hug them tight. No matter how you slice it, mamas do hard things.

I've shared this secret of mine in the hopes that someone that is out there hurting or searching will read my words and realize how important they are. Maybe another mama like me will realize that she's not alone in those reflective moments she had about her kids' birth mothers.

So true. Whether you are an adoptive mom or a birth mother who hoped your child would have a better future than you could give them, you probably have dozens of unanswered questions.

That's okay. Knowing that you are not alone, as Robbins acknowledges, can be a huge comfort. Her words truly make you appreciate the challenges and blessings that are all part of motherhood.

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