16 Words You Didn't Know Before You Became a Mom

Zlata Faerman | Jun 2, 2017 Being a Mom

butt paste
iStock.com/Anatoliy Babiy

As we continue to get older (yay fun thought!), our vocabularies get bigger. With ongoing news cycles, cultural experiences, and technological innovations, new words become an acceptable part of the English language. Think: bigly, selfie, and -- you guys -- even an emoticon has made its way into the Oxford Dictionary. But nothing quite compares to the vocab lesson that comes with motherhood.

When I first started learning about this, that, and the other thing as it related to parenting and "mom-stuff," I had Google on metaphorical speed dial just so I could understand what the eff I was reading!

I can't be the only one who doesn't know what half these words mean, I'd think, as I skimmed my parenting books and trolled my Facebook groups. Turns out, I wasn't. Here are 16 words that you probably didn't know until you had kids...

  • Sharenting

    1
    Pressmaster/Shutterstock

    This one cracks me up because it's so accurate. It means when parents share entirely too many pictures and private moments about their kids on Facebook. Important: I don't need to see a picture of your child's piece of poop in his or her potty. Like, I do not.

  • Binky

    2
    Still Life Photography/Shutterstock

    Something about this word is like nails on a chalkboard for me. It's a pacifier. Or a paci. What in the motherF-CK is a binky? I can't.

  • Sanctimommy

    3
    Pathdoc/Shutterstock

    I learned the hard way that sanctimommies are judgmental a-holes who tear you down for not making the same parenting choices that they do. It's a combination of the word "sanctimonious," which means making a show of being morally superior to other people, and "mommy," which means a good-hearted human being just trying to make the right choices for her offspring. Here's a bonus related term: Boob Nazi. It refers to the moms who think you are basically abusing your child if you're not nursing him.

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  • POPP

    4
    Khamidulin Sergey/Shutterstock

    This is what your child is at risk for being called if he acts rudely or inappropriately. What does it stand for? Why, Product of Poor Parenting, of course! WE are the assholes here, guys. Our kids are being horrible because we suck at parenting ... duh.

  • Butt Paste

    5

    No, this isn't a new brand of anal lube (though, seriously, who is even thinking about that these days?). Butt Paste falls in the category of diaper rash creams on the market.

  • Au Pair

    6
    Slide 6 Phovoir/Shutterstock

    Granted, I've heard this word before, but I always thought it had to do with something involving French twins. It's actually a younger woman (could be a man) from abroad. They take care of your children and some housework and you give them room, board, and money. So basically a live-in nanny, but a younger age demo.

  • Doula

    7
    kzenon/Shutterstock

    Just when you thought that a doctor is all you need to deliver your baby into the world, the doula profession was born. (Pun intended.) A doula is a trained professional who supports a woman before, during, and after childbirth.

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  • Let-Down

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    By OLJ Studio/Shutterstock

    That super weird, oddly painful, and relatively uncomfortable feeling your breasts get when they're "letting down" milk for your baby. (Alternately, when you hear someone else's baby crying.)

     
  • Grand-smother

    9
    Photographee.eu/Shutterstock

    I can only laugh at this word and cry at the fact that I wasn't the one who came up with it. A grand-smother is the overbearing and meddling mother of a parent (your mom or your partner's mom). They're often participating in the unsolicited role of trying to take over the parenting job from the actual parent. Related: Smother-in-law

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  • Blowout

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    Diego Cervo/Shutterstock

    Ah, remember when a blowout was something you had an appointment for on a Friday after work? Yeah, no. Not anymore. Your definition of a blowout now is when your baby poops so much that it basically explodes out of any and all sides of his diaper.

  • Nipple Shield

    11

    This isn't a prop on the set of Fifty Shades of Gray. It's a breastfeeding accessory that you sport if your nipples are straight up cracked, blistery, and nursing is ridiculously painful. By the way, you might as well buy this now if you're reading this as an expecting mom, because your nipples are in for a wild ride.

  • Layette

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    Vkuslandia/Shutterstock

    Simply put, this is your baby's first wardrobe. It's a collection of clothing like onesies, socks, blankets, and the like.

  • Meconium

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    Halfpoint/Shutterstock

    This gem of a word refers to the first poops of your newborn. It's usually black and tar-like, not to be confused with the blueberry poops your LO will have when he starts eating solids. Bonus term: LO = little one.

  • Colostrum

    14
    iStock.com/Zurijeta

    This yellow-ish liquid coming out of your breasts when you first give birth is the precursor to breast milk. It's jam-packed with immune-boosting nutrients for your newborn.

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  • Perineal Bottle

    15

    Once you're home, for the first few days (weeks? months?), you'll fill this bottle with warm water and use it to "irrigate" your private parts after you use the bathroom. You are super sensitive (both your vagina, perhaps from tearing, and your anus, perhaps from hemorrhoids), so the perineal bottle helps with cleansing. Guys, motherhood is glamorous AF.

  • Fenugreek

    16
    Swapan Photography/Shutterstock

    Fenugreek is an herb, similar to clover. Taken as a supplement, the seed is said to up your breast milk supply. 

  • Microwave Cake

    17
    Ksenija Toyechkina/Shutterstock

    Okay, so this indirectly has to do with parenting. It's about dessert and that's important. A new mom craves two important things in the kitchen: coffee and sweets. Coffee is easy to make, but baking? Yeah ... no. That's far too time-consuming. The answer, mamas, is a microwave cake. Throw a few ingredients in a cup. Microwave said cup. Out comes a freaking cake. Enjoy it with or without coffee.

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