Everything changes once you become a parent -- and not just in the adorable, "life is so much sweeter now" kind of way. Kids are adorable, but they also bring huge messes, utter exhaustion, and random bodily fluids (yikes), and they make almost everything you do just a little bit harder.
Being a parent never really gets easier, but it helps if you have a good sense of humor. That's why we love the hilarious moms and dads on Twitter. Every week, they sum up the funniest, most annoying, and most WTF parts of being a parent in 140 characters or less. Here, a collection of the funniest parenting tweets we scrolled past this week.
1. *Sniff* It goes by so quickly.
Some days it hits you.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) April 19, 2017
My baby is 6 years old.
How can it be 6 years?
*wipes single tear*
...Since I've used the bathroom alone.
2. Somehow this doesn't seem as sexy.
50 Shades of Grey, the married-with-kids version:— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 20, 2017
Attempting to sort 50 white (now grey) socks in laundry basket while husband snores.
3. Kids know just how to put you in your place.
My son said I'm more beautiful than a garden gnome so don't try to tell me that motherhood isn't incredibly rewarding.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) April 20, 2017
4. Don't you hate it when that happens?
Just called the cops on a screaming lunatic at the grocery store. Anyway, I'm gonna go finish my shopping while they investigate my toddler.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 18, 2017
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5. No one is coming to save you, but points for creativity.
*Taps out Morse Code for “SOS” using a Hungry Hungry Hippos lever.*— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 19, 2017
6. #Romance. Seriously.
I'm not sure what my husband is planning on doing for me on Mother's Day but I hope it's laundry.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 18, 2017
7. The scariest words in the English language: "I'm done."
With all due respect, air-raid sirens, the most horrifying sound is a small child yelling for help from the bathroom toilet.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) April 19, 2017
8. Still sounds better than Chuck E. Cheese's.
A toddler fast food chain called NoFucks. Your order goes directly in the trash while kids eat dirt off the floor & coffee is served cold.— Life UnPinteresting (@LifeUnPinterest) April 18, 2017
9. How about a model that cleans up pee accidents at 3 a.m.?
It's great that Alexa can tell my kids a bedtime story, but I'm waiting for the model that checks the closet for monsters & puts them to bed— mycrazywritinglife (@mycrazywriting) April 18, 2017
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If you want your kids to put their shoes in a big heaping pile next to something, buy a shoe rack.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) April 20, 2017
11. Sure, your baby is gifted, but is he as smart as this giraffe?
April the giraffe's newborn baby is already walking. It'll be talking by tomorrow, and leaving for college on Friday. Human kids are losers.— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) April 15, 2017
12. How did they even parent before YouTube?
My son is grounded from his electronics and now I want to give my mom a hug for having to be a parent before the internet was invented.— Megan Wirts (@meganagainagain) April 17, 2017
13. So weird how ball pits are actually just full of strep.
Stopped at a fast food playplace on the drive home so the kids could get some energy out and also contract every possible disease.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 17, 2017
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14. I've heard the calories only count if you get caught.
Mom status: Hiding in the pantry, eating the snacks I told my kids they couldn’t have.— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) April 18, 2017
15. Seriously, go play at someone else's house.
Get off my lawn you damn kids.— Dad's Take (@DadsTake) April 19, 2017
~ Me, to my own kids.
16. Goldfish are the glitter of kid snacks.
People who say don’t sweat the small stuff have never tried to pick up a thousand goldfish crumbs from between the couch cushions.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) April 19, 2017