Parenting

15 Brutally Honest Mother's Day Cards That Should Exist IRL

ParentingPublished Apr 25, 2017
By Ashley Austrew
funny mothers day cardsAnne Meadows

There's no shortage of Mother's Day cards out there in the world. Thanks to big-box stores and online print shops, it's pretty easy to find just about any kind of card for mom, from the sweet and sentimental to the snarky and wildly inappropriate. But, one thing most of these cards have in common is that they fail to thank moms for the sacrifices we're really making for our kids.

Motherhood isn't pretty. It's exhausting and it keeps us running around the clock. There are leaky boobs, perineal stitches, sleepless nights, poop (so much poop! and a good amount of pee and vomit, too!), as well as a million other tiny things we endure in order to make sure our kids stay happy and healthy. Like that not-hot-anymore cup of coffee we get to drink. Every. Single. Morning. Of. Our. Lives. Can't it just be hot once? 

Is motherhood all bad? Of course it's not! We love it, and that's why we do it. But, a Hallmark card with some tender message in scrolling gold script about our wisdom and unconditional love just isn't going to cut it this year. That's why we've put together this lineup of unique, blatantly honest Mother's Day cards that give thanks for all the things moms really do behind the scenes -- yes, even the gross stuff.

Here, 15 funny and totally honest cards that mom should actually get on Mother's Day.

1/15
In honor of your incontinence-placeholder
In honor of your incontinence
Anne Meadows

In honor of your incontinence

Sure, it's not technically their fault. It's not like they did it on purpose. But the least they could do is apologize or sacrifice a few allowance dollars to your monthly panty liner fund. Sheesh.

2/15
From Birkin bag to barf bag-placeholder
From Birkin bag to barf bag
Anne Meadows

From Birkin bag to barf bag

Hopefully this card comes with a little something-something from Nordstrom Rack.

3/15
A reminder to switch to iced coffee-placeholder
A reminder to switch to iced coffee
Anne Meadows

A reminder to switch to iced coffee

Motherhood is beautiful and fulfilling, but cold coffee is the official drink of sadness. At least this card proves they're aware of the damage they're doing to your morning pick-me-up.

More from CafeMom: 11 Total Mom Things We Say to Our Kids on Repeat

4/15
Keeping it real-placeholder
Keeping it real
Anne Meadows

Keeping it real

No one likes a generic Mother's Day card. That's why this one gets personal -- *very* personal.

5/15
The gift that keeps on giving-placeholder
The gift that keeps on giving
Anne Meadows

The gift that keeps on giving

You're also welcome for the stretch marks and all of the prematurely gray hairs you've sprouted since giving birth. Lucky you!

6/15
Straight from your wish list-placeholder
Straight from your wish list
Anne Meadows

Straight from your wish list

A whole year without the dreaded search for the missing shoe? Granted, you might be late to everything now, since we all know how kids look for things. But it's the thought that counts, right?

7/15
I love you THIS much-placeholder
I love you THIS much
Anne Meadows

I love you THIS much

That's a pretty big unit of measurement. It almost makes all the bruises on the soles of your feet seem worth it.

More from CafeMom: 5 Ways Being a Stand-Up Comedian Prepared Me for Motherhood

8/15
Boobs got you down?-placeholder
Boobs got you down?
Anne Meadows

Boobs got you down?

When your mood starts to sag, just remember: There are always push-up bras.

9/15
An inconvenient truth-placeholder
An inconvenient truth
Anne Meadows

An inconvenient truth

You know you've done a good job parenting when your kids can openly and unabashedly acknowledge their shortcomings.

10/15
A moment of silence (literally)-placeholder
A moment of silence (literally)
Anne Meadows

A moment of silence (literally)

All you really want is some peace and quiet. This card gives you that ... for as long as you can successfully pretend you haven't finished reading it.

More from CafeMom: 10 Mother's Day Quotes From Some of Our Favorite Moms

11/15
Mmm ... tasty-placeholder
Mmm ... tasty
Anne Meadows

Mmm ... tasty

The "... and gave you strep throat" is silent.

12/15
Mommy & me time?-placeholder
Mommy & me time?
Anne Meadows

Mommy & me time?

You do a lot for your kids. Standing in the bathroom and cheering when you poop is just their way of giving back.

13/15
For the mom who's a total softy-placeholder
For the mom who's a total softy
Anne Meadows

For the mom who's a total softy

Congratulations on your lack of follow-through. Don't worry -- we're all suckers for our kids, too.

14/15
Not the "makeover" you had in mind-placeholder
Not the "makeover" you had in mind
Anne Meadows

Not the "makeover" you had in mind

The best thing about having kids is getting to relive parts of your own childhood -- like getting candy stuck all over you and being forced into an impromptu haircut.

15/15
You're truly one of a kind-placeholder
You're truly one of a kind
Anne Meadows

You're truly one of a kind

It takes an even more special woman not to smack him in the face with your pillow every. single. time.

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