The 16 Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week

Parenting is rewarding, but it's also a hell of a lot of hard work, and you won't get through it unless you've got a good sense of humor. That's why we adore the hilarious moms and dads on Twitter. Every week, they sum up the hardest, funniest, and most WTF parenting moments in 140 characters or less. Here, 16 of the funniest tweets by moms and dads we scrolled past this week.

1. Have kids, they said. It'll be fun, they said.

Having kids basically feels like waking up on the first morning of daylight savings time every day for 18 years.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 13, 2017

2. When your second grader is 7 going on Janet Jackson.

Me: I made you in my belly.
Kid: That was 7 years ago. What have you done for me lately?

— Deva Dalporto (@mylifesuckers) March 13, 2017

3. We see what you did there.

My 7 year old says he knows everything, but in reality he no's everything.

— More Marls Than Meh (@TheAlexNevil) March 14, 2017

4. You can't win 'em all.

You try to teach your kids well but then you hear them say "hospital truck" when an ambulance goes by and you wonder what else you forgot.

— Kristin (@FeralCrone) March 13, 2017

More from CafeMom: These 'Mom Jeans' With See-Through Parts Are a Crime Against Pants

5. Why do we hurt the ones we love?

My toddler punched me in the eye, then made me kiss his hand, 'cause his fist hurt. And he'll hear about it every Mother's Day until I die.

— JenniFerCryinOutLoud (@sip_at_home_mom) March 14, 2017

6. Relationships are built on trust and low expectations.

Before kids: My best friends are the ones I hear from the most.

After kids: My best friends are the ones who expect the least of me.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 14, 2017

7. Trees can't break up fights, and they never have to cook dinner.

Nothing says you're a parent like being jealous of a tree because it's all alone.

— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) March 14, 2017

8. Objects in mirror are really trying to have their sh*t together more than it appears.

I knew that motherhood would hold a mirror up in front of me, I just didn't think it would be a funhouse mirror.

— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) March 14, 2017

More from CafeMom: 20 Hottest Baby Names Set to Dominate 2017

9. Kids these days. They have it so easy.

Kids in the 1800s, told to milk cows, collect eggs & cut firewood: Yes, mother.
Kids now, told to throw out a wrapper: *prolonged shrieking*

— Julie Space (@copymama) March 13, 2017

10. When your love language is screaming.

What do we want?
WHATEVER YOU'RE HOLDING WHAT IS THAT I NEED IT!

When do we want it?
*SCREAMING CRYING BERSERKER TANTRUM CHAOS*

- Toddlers

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 13, 2017

11. So much for that flu vaccine.

I have Baby Fever.

But it's actually a real fever I got from my baby because she uses me as a human tissue.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 15, 2017

12. It's important to have priorities. 

I wish I was as passionate about anything as much as my 1 yr old is about smearing her fingers all over my glasses while I'm wearing them.

— (G) (@4handfuls) March 15, 2017

13. We were cool before you got here.

It's funny how teenagers hate adults for being lame but we weren't like this until they broke our spirits as toddlers.

— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) March 13, 2017

More from CafeMom: 'Five-Second Rule' Validated by Expert (to the Relief of Parents Everywhere)

14. Mom! What's taking so long?

Me: [hanging off side of cliff begging for help]

My kids: MOMMA CAN YOU GET US A SNACK

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 11, 2017

15. Music, like most art, is open to interpretation.

My kid thinks the "Cleanup Song," is what he sings to entertain us while we pick up his toys.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 15, 2017

16. Can't argue with that logic.

4-year-old: I didn’t cry today.

Me: You cried 10 minutes ago because your socks were too stretchy.

4: I only cried when it was important.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 11, 2017