These 'Mom Jeans' With See-Through Parts Are a Crime Against Pants


Top Shop; design by Anne Meadows

When you think about mom jeans, you probably think about the high-waisted, tapered-legged denim we all used to rock in the late '80s and early '90s. Well, apparently it's back. Stores like Urban Outfitters and Forever 21 are marketing "mom jeans" to millennials and teens like they're some hip, new thing. But, for some reason, one designer decided these classic pants needed an update that'd make them an even bigger crime against fashion. Nordstrom is selling $95 mom jeans with clear plastic panels on the knees, and holy sh-t, they're hideous.

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"Cut with a high-waist and a tapered leg, they are finished with multiple pockets, classic trims and cool clear knee panel detail," the Nordstrom website says of the jeans. "Wear them folded at the cuffs to keep them looking cool."

What they conveniently fail to mention is that "looking cool" is basically impossible if you show up wearing a pair of these:

see-through mom jeans
Nordstrom.com/TopShop

Yes, those are real pants. Yes, you can actually spend 95 of your hard-earned dollars on them. The question I'm really struggling to answer is why, exactly, anyone would wear these or even want them to exist. Did someone lose a bet? Did the designer pitch a special line of pants for people worried about vitamin D deficiencies in their knee caps?

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Luckily, Twitter seems equally confused.

clear plastic panels on knees of jeans
blacksciblog/Twitter

clear plastic panels knees jeans
mypresidents/Twitter

clear plastic panels knees jeans
BenArnoldMiller/Twitter

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Now, obviously these "mom jeans" aren't solely intended for moms. In fact, I'm pretty sure moms are the least likely people to wear them, since most of us already survived one decade filled with hideous pants that rode up to our belly buttons. We certainly don't need to live through that again.

Still, I can't help wondering if maybe the designer was really trying to create a special pair of pants with moms in mind. After all, those plastic panels could be convenient for lots of mom-related problems, like:

    • Protecting your knees while you kneel down to clean up vomit.
    • Giving you a slippery surface to Risky Business slide across a pee-soaked public restroom floor to stop your toddler from licking a toilet.
    • Giving moms a way to show a little leg (knee?) even when they're feeling insecure about cellulite.
    • Providing a waterproof surface so you can kneel in wet grass at the park to tie toddler shoes for the 7,000th time.
    • Acting as a smooth surface for taping kid art you want to show off when your refrigerator door is too full.
    • A way to let everyone know you've still got it ("it" being tanned, muscular knee caps).

By far, the best use for these pants is as kindling for a fire. Actually, don't do that. The fumes from the melting plastic knee rectangles would probably poison your family.

The best cure for see-through mom jeans is prevention. Keep yourself safe and stay far away from these fugly pants.

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