12 Kids Who Completely Embarrassed Their Parents at the Holiday Table

Liz Alterman | Nov 16, 2016 Being a Mom


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Several years ago, a mom I know told me how her preschool-aged daughter completely embarrassed her at a holiday dinner. The family was at a restaurant and when the little girl didn't order dessert, her concerned grandma asked her why she hadn't. "I'm going to eat my boogers," the girl happily replied. D'oh! We know this poor mom isn't alone in having her holiday take a shocking turn, thanks to a little one. 

It's hard enough to get our little kids to sit still, eat their meal, and mind their manners at the dinner table every other night of the year, but when it comes to the big holiday gatherings with lots of new and different people, most of us parents just cross our fingers and hope for the best. Please, please let the dinner table chatter be louder than my kid's need to say "butthead" at all the wrong moments. Of course, as we know, wishful thinking is not always enough. Kids will be kids. Always.

More from CafeMom: 11 Texts From Women Losing Their Minds This Holiday Season 

We asked parents in our CafeMom community to share their most mortifying moments at the holiday table, served up courtesy of their kids. Their brave, jaw-dropping responses will horrify delight! (And f we read this, it can't happen to us, right? RIGHT?!)

More from CafeMom: 15 Unintentionally Hilarious Letters From Kids to Santa

  • Hidden Surprise

    1
    marilyn barbone/Shutterstock

    "My youngest was 9 when he replaced the prize in one of the Christmas crackers with his sister's dirty underwear. Luckily it was my mother who received them. She was a good sport, although a bit loud about it."

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  • Vomiting at the Table

    2
    pathdoc/Shutterstock

    "My daughter, age 3, was gobbling down her third helping of cauliflower/gruyere soup at Thanksgiving when my other daughter, age 9, informed her it was cauliflower she was cheerfully chowing down. Age 3 daughter screeched 'I'm POISONED!' and promptly barfed all over the table."

    Neither daughter got to have pie.

  • Belly Button Lover

    3
    bbevren/Shutterstock

    "My 2-year-old was obsessed with belly buttons and went around trying to see everyone's belly button. That was a few months ago. Now he's obsessed with his 'weewee' and wants to see/touch everyone's. So we'll see how the gathering next weekend goes."

  • A Stabbing

    4
    Dmitri Ma/Shutterstock

    "Family Christmas dinner. Everyone was seated. My daughter was about 4 at the time and I was 7 months pregnant with my son. My daughter was having trouble with a piece of ham that I guess I hadn't cut small enough for her. She said she needed Mommy to help her. My brother-in-law was sitting closer to her and said he would get it -- for me to rest. He leaned over and started to cut her ham when she screamed at him, "NO, IT'S MINE!" and somehow stabbed him with the knife. Right through the hand. Requiring an emergency room trip to get stitches." 

  • Poorly Timed Bowel Movement

    5
    Tatyana Dzemileva/Shutterstock

    "My daughter, 9, managed to poop herself once at a Christmas party. She'd been constipated for weeks, and I guess the big meal just pushed her digestive tract past its limits, because she just had a bit of a coughing fit after eating a bite of food the wrong way, then went red as a beetroot and all wide-eyed -- then everyone in the room began to smell it."

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  • Flipping the Bird

    6
    AlohaHawaii/Shutterstock

    "When my daughter was 2, she flipped my brother off. She had never met him in person before. He tried to take her cookies. He laughed really hard at it and so did everyone else. I had a long talk with her [about] why we don't do that, and another with my husband as to why we don't do that stuff around the baby..." 

  • An Honest Food Critic

    7
    zlikovec/Shutterstock

    "We spent Thanksgiving one year with my husband's boss's family. My oldest was 2, and loudly announced how yucky the food was. She wasn't wrong, the food was dreadful, but I still had to talk to her about not hurting people's feelings. The person who cooked was a known drama queen, and kept bugging people to tell her it was good, but I'm sorry a 2-year-old is going to tell you that your still kinda raw turkey and burned potatoes are not good."

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  • Passing Gas

    8
    3445128471/Shutterstock

    "[My son] was 4 and he let out the biggest, loudest, raunchiest, stinkiest killer fart that would rival a grown man's day-after-the-big-game-beer-and-nachos stinker. And he proceeded to laugh his little ass off about it too."

  • Head Lice

    9
    STUDIO GRAND OUEST/Shutterstock

    "[My daughter] proudly told many 'I DON'T HAVE BUGS IN MY HAIR ANYMORE' after I had to treat her for lice." 

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  • Wedgie Picking

    10
    Zdenek Rosenthaler/Shutterstock

    "When my daughter was about 2, we went to my grandma's Christmas party. She was going around to multiple people, declaring very loudly that she had a wedgie, pulling up her dress, and 'fixing' it. Picking at her butt at a family dinner."

  • Wrong Lyrics

    11
    Denys Kurbatov/Shutterstock

    "My son, when he was 5, sang 'Rudolph the Goddamned Reindeer.'"

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  • Cussing & Fussing

    12
    VectorFusionArt/Shutterstock

    "Once at Thanksgiving dinner my friend's son, age 10 at the time, came through the doors saying my daughter, age 8 at the time, called him a f*cking asshole. My daughter runs in behind him and yells, 'I didn't say the F word, Mom.' After we both sternly talked to our children about their language and they lost out on playing video games that night, we both grabbed a glass of wine and started cracking up, shaking our heads."

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