21 Truly Mortifying 'Mom Moments' Shared by Survivors

Wendy Robinson | Oct 3, 2016 Being a Mom

When a woman decides to become a mom, she has to embrace the unexpected. She doesn't know if she'll get a great sleeper or an up-all-night cry machine. Will she get a bookworm or a musician or a jock? In the face of all that uncertainty, there is one universal truth: At some point, children are going to embarrass the crap out of their parents. And we just had to know: What were the most embarrassing moments that parents were willing to fess up to? 

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All parents get their shot at being mortified by their kids. And, yes, when that moment happens, it will 100 percent be in public. But the silver lining is that being embarrassed by kids is universal. It has happened to all of us at one time or another. And we can take comfort in knowing that every embarrassing moment eventually becomes a great story.

For proof, go ahead and read on for 21 OMG moments from real moms who have, for obvious reasons, asked to remain anonymous.

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Just wait until #6. Moms will never look at a playground slide the same way again. 

Image via iStock.com/Hramovnick

  • Very Observant

    1

    "My sister was coming over with her new boyfriend. Our family is Korean and her boyfriend is from Ghana. I mentioned to my daughter that auntie was coming with a boy she liked but didn't say anything about him being black, because who cares, right?

    Well, they arrived at the house and my daughter came down the stairs and VERY LOUDLY said 'WAIT A SECOND -- he does NOT look KOREAN. Does Grandma know about this?'

    I about died on the spot. Thankfully he burst out laughing and still teases me about it to this day."

  • Potty Noises

    2

    "I took my son when he was around 4 to the bathroom at Costco. A lady next to us farted while going to the bathroom. Henry loudly announces, 'Mom, she just farted!' Luckily the lady started laughing."

  • Fight Club

    3

    "I recently had to travel solo with my two boys and they were awful the whole time. The worst was when they started fighting on the plane and one of them screamed, 'If you don't stop hitting me, I'm gonna bite your penis off!' at the other one. 

    Longest. Flight. Ever."

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  • Potty Questions

    4

    "My most embarrassing moment was probably when I was in a public bathroom with my talking and curious toddler watching me change a tampon and very loudly asking, 'Why you bleeding, Mom? You got an owie in your butt? What's that, Mom? [Inquiring about new tampon] Why you put that stick in your butt, Mom?''

  • The Great Outdoors

    5

    "I was hiking with my daughter when we came upon a couple hiking in the other direction. They were hiking NAKED. So, needless to say, I quickly covered my daughter's eyes but not before she got a good eyeful. She of course had a million questions and I did my best to answer them, all the while fuming at the nudists in my head. 

    That night we got together with my in-laws and my daughter piped up at dinner that 'Mama took me on a long walk and I got to see a man's ding dong and it wasn't Daddy!' 

    Oy. That was embarrassing."

  • Park Poop Problem

    6

    "I had my 2.5-year-old and 5-week-old at the park on an early Sunday morning. Toddler was playing quietly, baby was sleeping. My stomach churned and I knew I needed to get to a toilet in five seconds or less. Nearest toilet was four+ blocks away. Not a soul was around so I knew what I had to do -- I took a #2 under the slide on baby wipes and cleaned myself and disposed of the poop properly. My toddler never knew and my son woke up starving as I finished. I nursed him immediately. I felt so mortified and like a wild animal at the same time."

  • Mortified

    7

    "Recently, I had my potty-training daughter at my OB with me. She started to look like she had a poop face so I was rushing her down the hall to the bathroom past the nurses area. Suddenly a large turd dropped out of her underwear onto the hallway (carpeted!) floor. Everyone gasped. I had to get gloves to clean it up and then they said they would clean the carpet. I was mortified. Mortified."

  • Private Zone

    8

    "I was in a public bathroom, baby strapped to me, older daughter standing in the stall being a keen observer.

    'UMMMMMMMMMMM....'

    Oh shit! No! No talking! Whatever you're about to say, don't! Please, Jesus, don't!

    'WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR PRIVATE ZONE?'

    I hiss, 'nothing is wrong with my private zone!'

    'IT LOOKS LIKE......'

    I'm thinking, shut up!!! ##$% shut up!!!!

    'STUFF IS JUST LIKE HANGING.....'

    Damn it.

    'JUST LIKE HANGING OFF YOUR BODY'

    (That is the appearance of postpartum, traumatized labia minora, thank you very much, kill me now.)

    'YOU LOOK LIKE A BOY. YOU HAVE A BOY PRIVATE ZONE.'

    This was in the bathroom at the Nordstrom Cafe. There was a line."

  • Special Delivery

    9

    "I was waving at the mailman through our open porch window when my 9-month-old kid effing pantsed me whilst trying to use me as a ladder. Of course I was wearing my husband's size 2XL pants and no underwear.

    He averted eye contact and it was awkward for a while."

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  • Daddy's Secret?

    10

    "When my darling, imaginative son was in preschool, there was an open house with parents and the kids and he announced very sincerely to everyone that when I left for work in the morning, my husband would put on my makeup and try on my clothes. None of this was true.

    That was the only the tip of the iceberg back then! We had no idea where he came up with some of the stuff he came up with. He also told them [my husband's] job was a 'pumpkin hunter' (with a gun)."

  • Painful

    11

    "Isaac was 3 and really being a 'challenge' at Target. We were at the registers (of course they were busy) and he decided to crawl into the cart from the back, where the end panel pushes up. Before he actually started to climb, I pulled him away from the end. The end panel came slamming down on his hand. 

    He shouted, 'Whaaaaa! YOU HURT ME!'

    Me: Honey, I....

    Him : 'THAT'S WHAT YOU DID!'

    I got several stares and it was pretty uncomfortable for the rest of our visit. The cashier was not really into chatting with me."

  • Car Seat Freak Out

    12

    "We were in the parking lot of Whole Foods. She started FREAKING out about her car seat. She refused to get buckled and every time I tried to buckle her she would thrash and yell as loud as possible, 'GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME. LEAVE ME ALONE. DON'T DO THIS TO ME. YOU'RE HURTING ME!!!!'

    Of course it happened on a day I was driving my husband's Jeep, of which he had recently removed the top off. I was mortified -- onlookers were mortified. I called my husband in tears because I was sure someone would call the cops!"

  • The Stash

    13

    "Certainly not the most embarrassing by far but I've been known to stash my phone in my bra because -- classy. My 3-year-old was like, 'Mom, where's your phone?'

    And I was like 'I dunno?' And he walked over and pulled my dress down and dug his baby arm (arm, not hand -- he was up to his elbow) in my gigantic bra was digging around trying to locate it. 

    Guess I didn't realize he was privy to my stash spot."

  • Mama's Winning

    14

    "We invited some friends from church over for lunch. During lunch my darling 4-year-old cheerfully told them that 'I saw Mama and Dada wrestling in bed before church! I think Mama was winning!'

    The next day we installed a lock on the bedroom door."

  • The Question

    15

    "I was at the grocery store with my 3-year-old who had just spent all week learning about colors at daycare. We were in the produce section when we saw an African-American man. She loudly said, 'That man is BROWN!' and I tried to be matter-of-fact and just said, yes he is, people come in all colors.

    Then she got louder and said 'Is he ALL BROWN? Is his BOTTOM brown? IS HIS PENIS BROWN?'

    I was dying and I looked over and he was laughing so hard he was crying."

  • Why Mommy?

    16

    "So, for me, postpartum continence was a struggle. Every time I had to pee it was urgently, and because I was nursing I was insanely thirsty and guzzling water, so I was just always on the verge of peeing my pants.

    I had to time excursions because I had about 50 minutes I could make it without a bathroom trip. We went to the grocery store one day -- me, newborn, toddler. It took us an especially long time, checkout was slow, traffic was thick, and so by the time we pulled up to the house I was on minute 49 and 55 seconds.

    I unbuckled my daughter, clenched, got baby in the Beco, cringed as the waist strap pressed into my bladder, clenched, grabbed the groceries (my critical mistake), got everyone up the porch steps, DROPPED THE KEYS.

    By this point I was dancing so hard. I picked up the keys, got the door open, and shoved us all inside. I shoved so hard that I knocked my daughter over and she splatted on the floor. She started screaming and that stress was just too much for the bladder. I started peeing while I was trying to jump over her fallen body and race to the toilet. Pee ran down my leg and onto her. For at least a week she would burst into tears and ask, 'WHY DID YOU PEE ON ME?!'"

  • Wild Woman

    17

    "My oldest son was 10 pounds when he was born. I had an unmedicated labor and it was a long one. I had pretty active labor for 20 hours before starting to push, and I pushed for four hours before we came to a conclusion that his huge-ass head just wasn't going to come out. At this point I was a naked growling untouchable wild animal.

    For some reason there was a rule at the hospital that I had to be wheeled to the OR -- I couldn't walk down there. I no longer possessed any power to behave reasonably and refused to put on clothing and was completely uncomfortable laying on my back -- so they wheeled a naked groaning doggy style wild woman spectacle through the halls of the hospital to the OR. There were definitely early-labor witnesses. I still shake my head when I think about this."

  • Mother's Day Mortification

    18

    "For Mother's Day, my husband made brunch reservations for a lovely Italian restaurant in town. Beautiful, quaint, and small white linen place. My husband and I had dined there before and had wonderful dinners.

    However, after we sat down we discovered it really wasn't a brunch in the traditional (American) sense -- there wasn't an egg on the menu, much less something with syrup, which would have been the only thing my kids would have eaten.

    We decided we better move along to a new restaurant. Now, leaving a restaurant is an embarrassing thing in and of itself, so of course the kids had to know why we were leaving. We told them that they only had pastas and soup for brunch, no breakfast food. Our 4-year-old was particularly offended by this: 'You mean they don't even have WAFFLES?'

    As we neared the door, I leaned into the hostess to quietly tell her that we were leaving. To which my son very LOUDLY announced whilst waving his arms emphatically, 'We don't like ANY of this stuff here!'

    Classy exit!"

  • Too Many Questions

    19

    "We were at the doctor's office. My son was coloring and the doctor came in and started to ask him some questions.

    My son sighed and said, 'So many f*cking questions' in his perfect little 3-year-old voice."

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  • Diapers Aren't for Moms

    20

    "When my oldest was about 9 months old I was driving back from Chicago with him. He had been crying for much of the trip and was finally asleep when we were about two hours from home. I had to pee SO BAD. I absolutely couldn't hold it anymore and I knew if I stopped the car he would wake up immediately. So, while driving 65 down the interstate, I reached over and grabbed a diaper from my bag -- and peed in it.

    I found out quite quickly that size 2 diapers were not created for adult bladder sizes.They also don't absorb as quickly as you would think. I had to sit on my sweatshirt the rest of the time because the seat was so wet. 

    Oh, and I had borrowed my dad's car for the trip. I cleaned it up as best I could but I never told him why the seat was wet."

  • Sucker Store

    21

    "When my son was around 2, I took him to his first play. He was probably a little too young and was getting squirmy at the end. There was a quiet moment in the play and my child shouted, 'Mom let's go to the liquor store! I really want to go to the liquor store, now!'

    Did I mention we were in the front row? It was mortifying. After that event we changed the name of the liquor store to 'the sucker store' ... because the nice owner always gives him a sucker, hence his desire to go shopping for booze."

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