10 Ways Being a New Mom Is Exactly Like Snapchat

Zlata Faerman | Jan 31, 2017 Being a Mom
10 Ways Being a New Mom Is Exactly Like Snapchat
Image: Anne Meadows/Snapchat

Anne Meadows/Snapchat

Snapchat is quite possibly the most entertaining phone app available right now. In the limited free time I have to catch up on social media (read: when I'm pumping), it's my go-to app for funny posts from my friends and envy-worthy snaps from celebs.

Because I'm such a Snapchat addict, I've noticed a few similarities between the way the app functions and my daily life as a mom. Both come with a steep learning curve, and both use up more than their fair share of my attention. Here, 10 other surprising similarities between using Snapchat and being a new mom.

  • You cannot figure out how to add new friends.


    When you first download Snapchat, it can be kind of confusing to figure out how to even add your friends from your contact list. You know -- kind of like how it's impossible to figure out how to meet people when you've got a crying, slobbery little poop machine attached to your person 24/7.

  • You depend on filters to make sure you look better than you feel.


    Snapchat is famous for its filters, and holy crap do new moms need them. Most of us haven't showered in three five days, which is also the last time we slept ("slept") -- and, even then, we slept standing up while in the shower, since that's our only alone time. Filters to the rescue.

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  • Your memory has an expiration date.


    If you don't view someone's story on Snapchat within 24 hours of their posting it, it's gone forever. Similarly, if a new mom isn't reminded of that really important thing she has to do in 24 hours, it may as well just not exist. Most of us can't even remember what we had for breakfast this morning -- don't ask us to store things in our brains long-term.

  • They both give you major FOMO.


    When it comes to the fear of missing out as a new mom, the struggle is real. The same goes for Snapchat, where it pretty much always looks like everyone is doing something more fun than you are. Are they really? It's impossible to know for sure, but their Snapchat stories sure seem like more fun than diaper changes.

  • Much like the 'replay' option, your days are the same thing over and over and...


    Repetition is the key to success. Repetition is the key to success. Repetition is the key to success.

  • Sometimes you see things you wish you could un-see.


    Snapchat brings an elevated risk of dick pic sightings. Being a mom comes with an elevated risk of witnessing a horrifying diaper explosion. The only difference is, scary Snapchats fade quickly. Meanwhile, that poop-tastrophe will be embedded in your memories forever.

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  • You can never think of anything interesting to include in your "story."


    On Snapchat, you create stories to let people know what you're doing. Somehow they're never as interesting as you want them to be -- which is exactly how you feel when someone asks what you've been up to all day and you can't figure out how to make the three loads of laundry and marathon feeding session / Amazon shopping spree seem like a legit exciting way to spend a day.

  • They both have useless points systems.


    The point system on Snapchat is about as useless as those "points" on a box of Pampers. Does anyone ever actually redeem those? This is a serious question I have.

  • They both come with major loss of privacy.


    Snapchat is "relatively private," which is exactly how you feel about your breasts these days. You don't have time to be self-conscious -- the baby needs to eat.

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  • Every success makes you feel like a superhero.


    Whether it's creating a story that has all your friends cracking up, or finally getting through a diaper change without getting peed on, there's simply no other feeling like getting it right.

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