12 Moms Share How They 'Came Out' to Their Children

Wendy Robinson | Jun 27, 2016 Being a Mom
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  • We Do

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    "Hoo boy. So, this is kind of still going on with us. My son just turned 4 and I share custody of him with his dad, my ex. I've always been bi, but that wasn't something I, like, discussed with my child, you know?

    But I've fallen in love and we are getting married, and so prior to the wedding, I felt like I had to really explain to my son that I loved a girl and that she'd be his 'bonus mommy.' Unfortunately, my ex has been saying some not so great stuff about my partner, and telling my son things like, 'Isn't it weird when Mama kisses Michelle?' -- so he is kind of confused and upset right now.

    But I think it will get better. It always does." -- Name withheld

  • He'll Always Know

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    "My wife and I recently adopted a baby and our plan is that he'll always know that he was adopted, that he has two moms, and that he is totally loved. I don't think of it as 'coming out' as much as I do of it just always being our normal." -- Alexis 

  • Our Family Is Different

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    "I really don't think there was any kind of process since this was all they knew, especially when they were young. I would say around preschool is when they realized that their family is different from most other kids'. We talked about and read books about all the different kinds of families around the world. By the time Asher was in kindergarten, kids were asking questions, like where is his dad, why don't you have a dad. And the blank stare when he would tell them he has two moms.

    Sometimes there would be follow-up questions from kids, but mostly they just let it go at that. All of the friends he grew up with had a mom and dad; he didn't know any other kids with a family like his." -- Kim 

  • Embarrassed

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    "Our kids have always known that they have a bio dad and two moms, but now that my daughter is a preteen, she is starting to be more aware of it and more aware of how other people think about it. 

    She's started asking us to not hold hands in public and so we've had to be more overt about talking to her about why we are just as much a family as everyone else and about how we both had to work hard to be comfortable with our identity. It is kind of a prickly stage right now." -- Julia 

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  • Having 'The Talk'

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    "My wife and I are moms to our 5-year-old daughter. She has always grown up knowing that she has two moms, but we haven't had The Talk about what that means. For her it's just another normal variation on families, which I feel today's child education is very good about addressing (there are all kinds of families, etc.). We've talked to her a little about the fact that she has no dad when holidays like Father's Day come up, but she has so far seemed to take it all in stride and not really bat an eyelash.

    We have from time to time asked her questions trying to gauge her awareness and keep an open line of communication should she feel the need to discuss it, but so far it's been a non-starter for her. She even understands that she 'came out of Mom' and not Mommy, and it's neat to see her try to make connections with both of us like, 'I look like Mom because I came out of her,' but 'Mommy and I both like cartoons.'

    Her classmates are also pretty chill about it. We've gotten no negative attention or feedback for the most part, although I do have a vague recollection of someone asking her about it. It's essentially a factual, normal part of her life and doesn't strike her as different or special or 'strange' in any way, and she's surrounded by progressive teachers/families that either feel the same way or do a great job of making it seem that way. " -- Stevie 

  • Preschool Project

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    "We didn't really have a plan for telling our twins we are gay. We just kind of assumed we'd answer questions organically, as they asked them. They never really asked anything until preschool when they started drawing family pictures and interacting with kids with straight parents. 

    When they started asking, we just explained that Mommy loves Mommy, and in some families mommies love daddies. They just nod and then ask something random about boogers next." -- Chris


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    "Well, after you asked this question, I decided it was time to out myself to my 8-month-old. She was just SHOCKED. She didn't have much to say. Probably still processing it." -- Beth Ann

  • Text the Truth

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    "After my divorce, I VERY cautiously started dating a woman I work with. I thought we were keeping things low-key until my 12-year-old sent me a text and asked straight (ha!) out if Kellie was my girlfriend. 

    I text back yes. I asked if we should talk more but so far that hasn't happened yet. I'm taking my time and letting him set the pace for more conversation." -- Name withheld

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  • Double Announcement

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    "My daughter got told by her father that we were getting a divorce and that it was because I was "a carpet muncher." Devastating. He was angry because I cheated, which he has a right to be, but I'm not sure I'll ever forgive him for telling her that way. We are still working on rebuilding trust." -- Name withheld

  • Just a Family

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    "Our kids know that I'm transgender as a result of years of careful conversation. Our big conversation now is about them choosing their comfort level with telling people. Most people just assume we are a 'normal' family because I pass pretty well. So we are more in the disclosure-to-others conversation now." -- Jamie


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