The NY Times Thinks Your 'Mom Hair' Is Super Lame, but Fixable. Maybe.

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Listen up, moms. You're amazing! But your hair, not so much. The New York Times Style Section has published an article titled "Mom Hair: It Exists. Now What to Do About It," and it is offensive and idiotic all at the same time. The "experts" seems to know as much about motherhood as the author knows about the inevitable Mommy Wrath that cometh her way. Strap yourself in, okay?

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"In fashion there are 'mom jeans.' So, too, there is a counterpart in beauty: 'mom hair,'" warns the article. "You've likely seen it at suburban malls: the longer-in-back, slightly–shorter-in-front bob that should read sleek but is inescapably frumpy."

OH GOD NO. NOT INESCAPABLY FRUMPY.

But wait -- there's more:

"And even the city-dwelling mom isn't immune. Perhaps she has added her own twists like blunt bangs or extra layering, but the ’do still falls short of flattering."

Poor city-dwelling moms. They think they're chic, but in fact they are just moms.

Hello, news flash: Shocking as it may sound, not all of us sit around the house in baby puke–stained Garfield T-shirts eating pints of ice cream, wallowing in self-hatred. Not all of us have struggled trying to find ourselves in those "dreaded postpartum 6-9 months." I didn’t, by the grace of God. Not to say I haven’t had many other struggles. But, that's not the point. The point is, so many moms are just trying to get through the day on a few hours of sleep and their hair might not be at the top of the To Do List.

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Regardless, why is it that the view toward moms is portrayed in such an unflattering light? Last night I was having dinner and drinks at the SLS Hotel on Miami Beach with a group of friends. In Chanel stilettos and skinny jeans. And you should see my hair! Can you believe it??

And I have not one, but TWO kids. In the eyes of the New York Times, I must be like a freakish Mom Outlier, right? For everyone else, help is on the way! Thank goodness they called in the Big Guns to save you from your Mom Hair with some much-needed advice. This is a good time to grab some Double Stuff Oreos and turn off QVC.

One expert quoted in the article is a salon owner named Kenna in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, who says his client "likes to put her hair up on the weekends and feel cool." Wait, what? Dude, STFU. That sentence alone is uncool. And obnoxious. I’m hoping it was just an unfortunate choice of words because he was overly excited at the prospect of being quoted in the New York Times Style Section. But, let's continue.

Another expert weighed in on his past experiences. Juan Carlos Maciques, a stylist at the Rita Hazan salon in Manhattan, told the Times, "I see it all the time. The first thing new moms want to do is cut their hair off. They’re feeling lousy about their bodies, and they just want to get some sense of self again. But, usually, to cut off your hair is a big mistake."

Basically: That big ass and short hair is not a good look, darling.

I’m going to cut Juan Carlos a little more slack because I actually get what he's saying about rash hair-chopping decisions. If I walked into my salon and asked one of my stylists to cut all my hair off, they would know I was probably having a bad day and talk me out of it. But, there are mothers, for a multitude of reasons, who want to cut their hair -- or need to cut their hair. Who are we to tell them they look "inescapably frumpy" and assume they spend a lot of time walking around the mall? Why do we not assume they're doctors and lawyers trying to juggle a career and a family? Why are we all relegated to a mall somewhere awful?

I don't have "Mom Hair" and I never have -- good thing I dodged that bullet, huh!? -- but, I'm pretty sure my children wouldn't love me any less if I had a stringy bob. I have been bald, though. Let me tell you, that pretty much sucked. According to this article, I've been "hiding behind my hair to preserve my identity" ever since. Hmm.

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My hair does not define me. I am defined by my character. I've accomplished great things in my life, both personal and professional. I have a successful career, a wonderful husband, and two beautiful, healthy children. I've overcome obstacles and hardships I pray you never have to experience. There are millions of moms just like me. We are so much more than THIS.

I guess either way, all of us moms are perpetually doomed. After all, if we're moms, and we have hair, then isn't it mom hair? Luckily, for all of us, moms or not, bad haircuts grow out. But the author? You will always be a jerk.

Now, how about that Dad Hair?

 

Image via ©iStock.com/michaeljung

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