10 Reprehensibly Effed Up Things LGBTQ Families Face on a Daily Basis

Wendy Robinson | Jun 21, 2016 Being a Mom


In some ways, life has hopefully been getting a little easier for LGBTQ families. Gay marriage is now legal, and the number of Americans who support gay marriage has steadily been increasing. Across the country, it has become easier for gay parents to enjoy their growing families, knowing that they have more legal protections than ever before. But of course, as recent horrific events in Orlando show, we still have a long way to go as a society.

Despite cultural progress, on a day-to-day basis, LGBTQ parents still face challenges that other families might not expect. Whether it's navigating elementary school bullies or dealing with the complications of becoming same-sex parents, you might be surprised at some of the lingering fears and concerns that gay and transgender couples have about their families. 

Read on for the candid stories of why love is love, but challenges are still real. 



Image via iStock.com/DGLimages

  • Still Having to Hide


    "I'm not out at work. There are a whole sh*tload of reasons why, but basically I just feel like my career chances would be compromised. I have a wife and a stepdaughter and it is hard not to want to talk about them or our family life. I have no pictures of them in my office, for example.

    But the hardest thing is hearing the things people say when they don't know a gay person is in the room. It is hard to look at someone the same after you hear them say gay people should have their kids taken away." -- Name withheld

  • Ignorance and Hate on Social Media


    "My husband is transgender (meaning he was born biologically female) and it is SO hard to not feel discouraged and hurt every time there is an article about bathrooms these days! I try not to read the comments but it is sick how many people hate our kind of family or think my husband is something wrong or broken." -- A.S. 

  • We Can't Afford More Children


    "One of our biggest challenges is financial. We'd love to have a big family but getting pregnant isn't as easy and affordable when you have two moms. My employer's insurance policy doesn't cover reproductive assistance so we have to pay out of pocket. 

    Sometimes we joke about going to the bar and picking up some dudes to do it the old-fashioned way but ... ew." -- K.D.

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  • Nosy Questions


    "My wife and I are both white and we have a beautiful biracial daughter. You wouldn't believe the questions we get: 'Where did she come from?', 'How did you get her?', 'Did you buy her?'

    Listen, people, just because you are curious DOES NOT mean we have to tell you how we made our family." -- L.D.

  • My Family Wasn't Legally Recognized


    "I guess the biggest challenge was having to go through a second parent adoption for both boys when I had them. Just because gay marriage wasn't legal yet, we had to have [my partner] Julie adopt them." -- K.N.

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  • Everyone Has an Opinion


    "Our situation is kind of interesting, I guess. My wife and I used sperm from a gay male couple to have our daughter and then my wife was a surrogate for them and they have a son. So, in a way, my daughter kind of has a brother but she isn't being raised with him, although we are close friends with the dads.

    People have SO many opinions about this and no trouble sharing them. I think our challenge as an LGBT family is having everyone up in our business." -- G.M. 

  • Bullies


    "I think as an LGBT family you just have to develop a thick skin about the fact that people will hate you. That being said, there is no skin thick enough for it to not hurt when kids bully your child because his two moms are 'sinners.'" -- F.E.

  • Our Nest


    "Our biggest challenges, as a gay couple in a very rural, very conservative area, have been about things like finding a house to rent. A lot of people would say yes over the phone but when we'd show up for a tour, suddenly the house wasn't available anymore. It was so discouraging. We just want a little nest to call our own, you know?" - C.W. 

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  • No Benefits


    "Although it has gotten better, it is still frustrating/nerve-racking every time I or my partner has to start a new job and we have to wonder if we'll get the same kinds of options for benefits like health insurance and stuff that a straight couple would. I worked for a private college once that didn't recognize domestic partnerships (this was before we could get married) and there were a whole sh*tload of things that spouses got (like reduced tuition, gym membership, passes to campus events) that my-now wife didn't get. It seemed so unfair that even though our salaries were the same, I was actually getting compensated less than my coworkers." -- A.K. 

  • No Public Love


    "I am, by nature, a really huggy and kissy person. My whole family is! And it might seem like a small thing, but I don't think gay couples are still as able to be affectionate with each other in public. I mean, we can, but it is just more risky. Like some people might say things ... or guys especially act like it is some real-life porn for their benefit. Grow up, dudes." -- H.D. 

  • Always Wondering


    "When you are gay, I think you get used to having that low level of anxiety about meeting new people and wondering if they are 'okay' with your 'lifestyle.' It is hard to warm up sometimes when you are wondering if this cool new person you met actually thinks your family is causing basically the downturn of western society or something like that." -- M.R. 

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