12 Things Never to Say to LGBTQ Families (Seriously, Stop It ... )

Wendy Robinson | Jun 15, 2016 Being a Mom
12 Things Never to Say to LGBTQ Families (Seriously, Stop It ... )

LGBT family

When my step-son told me that he was gay, it wasn't a surprise or disappointment. It was a confirmation of something we'd suspected and it was something that we celebrated as just another piece of what makes him an amazing guy. 

I've never wished for him to be anything other than who he is, but I do sometimes wish that people would stop asking some of the same annoying questions when they learn that I have a gay step-son.

For the record: no, we're not disappointed and yes, we do still hope to have grandkids some day. 

For families with LGBT parents and/or children, it can be frustrating to constantly have to deal with invasive, rude, and sometimes just stupid questions and comments. So consider this post your list of things to STOP saying to the LGBT families you know. I promise you they'll be grateful! 


Image via iStock.com/ Pekic

  • Sperm Donation Does Not a Father Make

    Image via iStock.com/ Portra

    "I don't like it when people refer to our sperm donor as 'dad.' He isn't dad to my kids. He gave sperm and that is where it ended. I am an open book so I don't mind answering questions people have regarding the insemination -- or anything about how we went about having kids, though." -- Kim N., Edina, Minnesota

  • No Fear

    Image via iStock.com/ monkeybusinessimages

    "You'd be appalled at the number of times I've been asked if I'm afraid that my daughter would be gay because she has gay dads. First of all, it doesn't work that way! Second, why would we be sad if she was gay? Being gay isn't something to be afraid of." -- Max E., Seattle, Washington 

  • Two Dads

    Image via iStock.com/ Portra

    "I have gay dads and the top most annoying thing that people ask is who is the 'boy' in the relationship and who is the 'girl.' So gross." -- Lindsay D., Saint Paul, Minnesota 

    More from CafeMom: 10 Books Featuring Same-Sex Parents That Every Kid Should Read

  • Stop Assuming

    Image via iStock.com/ frankiefotografie

    "I think the biggest thing I wish that people would stop doing is assuming that there's only one way to be gay, and only one type of relationship, whether it's straight, cis, queer, gay, bi, etc. I am always surprised at the degree to which people look at my sister and her partner and think that Karly is the 'boy' and Kari is the 'girl,' and that influences how both of them are treated, especially as potential and current parents. Like Karly is 'extra' and 'the dad' even though she was the primary parent for Felix's first year, because she looks less feminine and also wasn't the one who was pregnant. I feel like the faster we get to the idea that there are lots of different relationships and ways to parent and they don't have to conform to gender stereotypes, the better off everyone is, including dads! " -- Katie B., Saint Paul, Minnesota 

  • None of Your Business

    mage via iStock.com/ Marilyn Nieves

    "I don't miss sex with a penis -- so please stop asking me if I do! And, no, I don't think my kids will be confused about how to have sex later on. People are so weird." -- Marcy K., Des Moines, Iowa

  • No Rush

    Image via iStock.com/ tattywelshie

    "Now that gay marriage is legal, my partner and I are having to deal with what straight couple do: people bugging us about when we are going to get married. Just because we CAN doesn't mean we want to! Stop asking to get invited to our imaginary big gay wedding." -- Beth T., Inver Grove, Minnesota

  • Not a Phase

    Image via iStock.com/ jeffbergen

    "My 16-year-old daughter has come out as bisexual and is dating a girl. I am BEYOND sick of people asking me if this is 'a phase'. No. This is who she is. Deal with it." -- Sarah W., Gilbert, Arizona 

  • He Doesn't Seem Gay

    Image via iStock.com/ Squaredpixels

    "My son was an athlete in high school and college so maybe that is why I have had so many people say that he 'doesn't seem gay'. That is ridiculous. Not every gay person matches your stereotype." -- Lauren E., Osh Kosh, Wisconsin

    More from CafeMom: 14 Joyful Celebrity Tweets Celebrating Gay Marriage

  • Privacy, Please!

    Image via iStock.com/ Wavebreak

    "My wife, who used to be my husband, is transgender. The process of our whole family coming to terms with this has been painful but beautiful in a way too. But I really wish people would stop asking really personal questions about the state of my wife's genitalia. That is none of your business!" -- Name withheld

  • Maybe Baby

    Image via iStock.com/ Lise Gagne

    "I know people aren't trying to be rude but sometimes I get so sick of asking HOW we are going to have kids. I don't know. We're still exploring our options but we'd like to not have to talk about the merits of adoption versus IVF over dinner every week, MOM." -- Susie D., Ann Arbor, Michigan

  • Just Like You

    Image via iStock.com/ MattRidsdillSmith

    "I identify as bisexual but am happily, and monogamously, married to a man. I get asked a lot about whether one person can really make me happy or if we are in an open relationship. 

    To me, being bi means that I'm interested in both women and men but that doesn't mean I want to sleep with everyone! Just like a straight person, I've settled down with the one I love the most." -- Jennifer S., Ames, Iowa

  • Yes, I'm Sure!

    Image via iStock.com/ Pekic

    "I was married to a man and now am married to a woman. Yes, this seems weird to people but PLEASE stop asking if I'm 'really gay". Yes, I am. I'm sure!" -- Nickie G., Tucson, Arizona 

More Slideshows