Parenting

Dear Moms: When We Say We're in This Together, We Mean It

ParentingPublished May 7, 2020
By Lauren Gordon
moms hanging outiStock

I was on my semiweekly FaceTime with my best friend (who is an essential employee) when after a few wines in, we started talking about "it."

You know, the massive global health crisis that has us sealed in our homes and fearing the grocery store?

We started talking about people's reactions to it, and how we had both noticed this strange phenomenon where everyone seems to be wholly convinced that their situation is the worst. For every mom who complained about homeschooling, there was another who went, "Oh yeah? At least you get to be home with your babies." And on and on it went.

"I heard a saying the other day," my friend sagely announced: "We're all in the same storm, but in different boats."

Could there be anything more true? Although there is no doubt that within this historical event there is privilege and not all boats are created equal, whatever struggle we face in this storm is a valid one.

In an attempt to change this narrative, the one where we are competing for who has it worse, we reached out to moms in all different phases of motherhood, and asked them to extend a word of encouragement to moms in their own phase, and acknowledge just how hard it can be.

To the Newborn Mama-placeholder
To the Newborn Mama
Laura Clark

To the Newborn Mama

Dear Mom of a Newborn,

I see you. As a mom of two kids, I've been there. But not like this. While I remember the sleepless nights, the hourly checks to make sure my child was still breathing, I was also able to go outside and take walks without covering my face or hands. I also knew exactly when it was safe to take my newborn outside. I understand that in these uncertain times, that now seems like a luxury. I worry about your stress -- not just stress about your baby but about you, too. Remember that you are strong. You brought life into this world. Think of what you've already done, and be proud. You've got this. And you've got a lot more mamas, including this one, who are rooting for you.

Love,
Laura Clark, Mom of 2

To the Mom Who Is a Teacher-placeholder
To the Mom Who Is a Teacher
Esther Carlstone

To the Mom Who Is a Teacher

Dear Teacher Mom,

I know your life has changed so much, too. From teaching your students in this new world of online learning and making sure they’re all OK, to taking care of your own kids (and their education) while you’re still working, I see you. You’re doing the best you can under the strangest of circumstances, and our kids are so happy to see your face or hear your voice even if it’s over the computer. Hang in there -- there is light at the end of this tunnel, and you are doing awesome! 

Love, Esther Carlstone, Mom of 3 
P.S. You definitely deserve a million-dollar raise.

To the Mom of a Special Needs Child-placeholder
To the Mom of a Special Needs Child
Melinda M

To the Mom of a Special Needs Child

Dear Mom of a Young Child With ADHD,

I can remember the days when it felt like my son with ADHD had two speeds: running or asleep. Getting him to do homework sometimes ended with both of us in tears. But I also remember his creativity, energy, and tender heart. You, too, can make it through this tough time! Be patient with yourself and your child. Leave the room if you have to. Use anything that helps, whether it’s online resources from school, a helpful sibling, or a partner, to get through each day. Before you know it, the house will be quiet and you’ll miss your freewheeling, spirited kid.

Love,  

Melinda Moore, Mom of 2

To the Mom Who's Suddenly Homeschooling-placeholder
To the Mom Who's Suddenly Homeschooling
Stephanie Kaloi

To the Mom Who's Suddenly Homeschooling

Dear Mom Who Never Wanted To Homeschool,

I see you! And you know what? It might not feel like it right now, while one child is learning math you've never seen before and another has an art class on Zoom, and your family's preschool still wants to try to make virtual "school" happen for your 2-year-old, but here's the thing. None of us were ever meant to be in a situation quite like this, and each of us is responding to it the best way we can. If there's one thing I've learned while homeschooling my own son these past five years, it's that it's OK for things to just not work some of the time. It's OK to throw up your hands and say, "You know what? We're watching Disney+ all day." It's OK if your kids don't hit the nail on the head perfectly every day, and it's definitely OK if you don't. One day at a time, Mama.

Love,

Stephanie Kaloi, Mom of 1

To the Mama Who's Missing Out-placeholder
To the Mama Who's Missing Out
Lauren Gordon

To the Mama Who's Missing Out

Dear Mama of a High School Senior,

My son is only 2 years old, but I remember having to go to back to work and the dread I felt at missing those "big moments" like it was yesterday. Watching your kid achieve a goal is a thrilling experience, and missing a huge milestone like graduation is heart-wrenching. I'm so sorry you're getting robbed of this special memory. You deserve to be able to celebrate this once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I hope you know your sadness around it is valid. Keep your head up, Mama. Your kid knows how much they and their accomplishments fill you with pride. 

Love,

Lauren Gordon, Mom of 1

To Essential Worker Moms-placeholder
To Essential Worker Moms
Catherine Liberona

To Essential Worker Moms

Dear Essential Worker Moms, 

Don’t feel guilty that you can’t stay home 24/7 with your child(ren) during this time. You are vitally important inside and outside of your home. So while you may have to shower and change your clothes before you can even hug your child, you are showing them the importance of hard work and humanity. 

Love,

Catherine Liberona, Mom of 1

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