Hilarious Vintage Maternity Patterns Make Us Happy We Don't Have to Sew Our Own Clothes

Maternity fashions have come such a long way since our moms and grandmas were birthing babies. Not only do we have baby-bump style icons like Kate Middleton and Kim Kardashian, but maternity clothes are also relatively inexpensive and easy to find -- not like back in the day, when a lot of our older female relatives sewed their own clothing when they were in the baby way.  


These days pregnant women can basically find any style item they want to accommodate their baby bump. They can also dress in the amazingly fashionable way I did when I was knocked up, by wearing stretchy leggings and an oversized T-shirt with ice cream stains on it.

But back in the day, a lot of women hit up the fabric store and busted out their Singer sewing machines to adorn their growing bellies -- and sometimes not for the better, as far as fashion is concerned.

For a Fancy Cocktail Party 

And by cocktail party, I really mean cocktail party, because back then most OB/GYNs were telling women to relax with a cocktail or a glass of wine when they were expecting. And they got to do it while backcombing their hair and wearing chandelier earrings.

Daytime Maternity Business Wear 

This is for when those pregnant women had to venture out of their house to do pregnant-lady things back in the day, like work at secretarial jobs or go to the meat market or host a bake sale. And they all did it while wearing white gloves and dickies.

More from The Stir: 20 of The Best Things About Wearing Maternity Clothes

So Many Smock Tops  

Because nothing compliments your baby bump like a giant shapeless trapeze top with detachable sleeves and collar.

Unless You Add Pockets 

So many vintage maternity sewing patterns contain pockets, and do you know why? So back in the day women could use them to hold cleaning products when they were conducting their housewifely duties. Don't blame me, blame Donna Reed!

So Many Pockets 


Even one that looks like a watermelon. 

More from The Stir: 7 Reasons To Buy Maternity Clothes in Your First Trimester

Even Evening Pockets! 

Okay, I admit it -- I would totally rock this paisley one, even when not pregnant. But why did everything require a pocket?

There Was Also Something Toddler-esque About Maternity Clothes Back Then 

You can sew these for yourself, and once your baby is born you can sew some miniature versions for them too!

Don't Even Get Me Started on the Built-in Bibs 

But maybe that isn't the worst idea, considering your breasts grow during pregnancy and if you're breastfeeding. And we girls over a C cup know that your boobs are a total spill magnet. Maybe we all need to bring bibs back! 

As much as I adore some of these and would have loved wearing them when I was pregnant, I gotta admit, some of these sewing patterns are pretty ridic. But who knows? Maybe one day future pregnant ladies will laugh at our oversized T-shirts and yoga pants while they all rock their maternity spacesuits. 



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