18 'Security Question' Suggestions for Moms Who Are Too Fried to Remember Their Passwords

You know when a website asks you to write your own security question in case you forget your password? And then you forget the answer because you are so frazzled and sleep-deprived that you can't remember the name of your first dog? Well, sometimes sites let you make up your own security questions. Here are some ideas for questions that every mom is sure to remember the answer to ...

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  1. The name of your pediatrician + how long he usually keeps you sitting in the waiting room. 
  2. The month in which you forgot to take a birth control pill and got knocked up. 
  3. The last name of the bitch at the playground with a baby the same age as yours who points out that her dumb kid is already crawling. 
  4. How many headlines you have read in the last week mentioning some celeb's "post-baby body" + how many cupcakes you ate while reading the accompanying articles. 
  5. Your pre-baby bra size + the middle name of your doula.
  6. The cocktail you missed most while pregnant + the number of episiotomy stitches you had. 
  7. How many hours of sleep you got last night + the name of the Netflix show you binge-watched while not sleeping.

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  8. The name you really wanted for your baby before your asshole sister-in-law stole it. 
  9. How many times you woke up in the middle of the night to pee + the name of the fast food restaurant you visited the most when you were pregnant. 
  10. The number of times you googled "Symptoms of mastitis" + a movie where Chris Hemsworth takes his shirt off. 
  11. The number of times you checked on the baby while they were napping + the name of your car seat manufacturer. 
  12. The name of the preschool your kid didn't get into + the number of times you've had sex in the last week.
  13. The name of the waist trainer you bought for your post-baby body + how many days it took you to toss it in the Dumpster. 
  14. The number of articles you read about Kim Kardashian's pregnancy + how many times you wondered if Kanye was secret gay. 
  15. The middle name of your mother in law + how many times you wanted to punch her in the throat when she visited two weeks after your baby was born. 
  16. The name of the kid you hate the most in your kid's class + the number of times you have fantasized about giving a beej to the cute guy who services your car.
  17. The Doc McStuffins character you hate the most + the number of weeks since you've had an eyebrow wax.  
  18. The number of Land of Nod catalogs you stockpiled while pregnant + the number of times you peed your pants while pregnant.

 

 

Image via Halfpoint/Shutterstock

 

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