9 Ways Halloween Makes a Mockery of Your Parenting

If you think about it, Halloween is all about undermining your parenting. Everything good you try to teach your children 364 days of the year gets undone on this one, special day. Don't believe me? Let me show you.

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Candy every day: No Candy! Candy is bad! Sugar is the devil!
Candy on Halloween:
 Tonight we're going to fill our pillow cases with all of the candy and we're going to EAT EVERY LAST BIT!

The neighbors: Don't bother them and stay off their lawn.
The neighbors on Halloween:
Let's go beg the neighbors for some candy! 


Talking to strangers:
 Stranger danger, beware.
Talking to strangers on Halloween: 
Go knock on everyone's door whether we know them or not!


Manners:
Always say "please" and "thank you" and don't grab.
Manners on Halloween:
Demand and grab the candy, kids. Demand and grab.


Be quiet every day:
Inside voices, please.
Be loud on Halloween:
 MOM, MOM, LOOK AT ME! I'M A ROTTING ZOMBIE! ARGLEBLARGLE BLEHHHH! 


No scary stuff:
There are no monsters under your bed.
Scare your kids on Halloween: 
Let's summon the devil, everyone! 


Wear practical clothing: 
No, honey, you can't wear your ballet tutu to school.
Wear something ridiculous on Halloween:
Mouse ears with your tutu? Great idea!


Fire safety every day:
Never, ever leave a candle burning unattended.
Fire safety on Halloween:
 Let's light a bunch of candles everywhere and leave them burning all night long. In fact, let's put candles inside vegetables and put them out on our wooden porches! 


Bedtime every day:
 Early to bed and early to rise.
Bedtime on Halloween:
Stay up eating candy until you throw up or have a sugar crash meltdown, YEAHHHHHH!!!!! 

Enjoy your obnoxious, diabetes-inducing, freeloading, fire hazard of a holiday. And good luck returning to normal the following day. Mwahahahaha!

 

Image via YanLev/shutterstock

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