8 Ways Facebook Will Totally Change After The Zuckerberg Baby Arrives

By now, you've probably heard that Facebook head honcho Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla are expecting their first child. While we send the Internet maven a hearty Mazel Tov, we also wondered how Zuckerberg becoming a father might change Facebook.


We came up with the following 8 ways:

1. Facebook before baby: Breastfeeding is beautiful and photos are allowed so long as they don't violate our policies.

Facebook after baby: Breastfeeding is beautiful and how dare you refer to a photo of a mother feeding her child as pornographic? Why don't you take your talents over to Reddit, pervert?

More from The Stir: Video Showing Effect Technology Has On Your Kids Will Horrify You 

2. Facebook before baby: There's a picture of your friend Marcie in a bikini. OK. Nothing wrong with that.

Facebook after baby: Hold up -- Marcie is how old? Oh, no. No no no no no. Twelve-year-old girls in string bikinis are not okay. We're suspending your account until we talk to your mother.

3. Facebook before baby: You must be at least 13 years old to open an account on Facebook.

Facebook after baby: Your login and password will be sent to you along with your first social security check.

4. Facebook before baby: Ads on your page from Budweiser.

Facebook after baby: Ads on your page for local colleges and universities.

5. Facebook before baby: Ads on your page for L'Oreal and Cover Girl.

Facebook after baby: Ads on your page for The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf.

6. Facebook before baby: You have to decide who you want to share pictures of your baby with.

Facebook after baby: All baby photos are automatically sent via direct message to everyone you know. If any of those people are less inclined to look at your photo, then the message will be headed: "I think you've been hacked." Followed by, "J/K look at Riley drooling today!"

7. Facebook before baby: Users are encouraged to review Facebook's privacy policies.

Facebook after baby: Those policies will now be titled, "So You Want to Join a Social Media Site! Here Are Twenty Ways it Could Ruin Your Life." Also, reading them will be mandatory.

8. Facebook before baby: You can post pretty much whatever you want, whenever you want.

Facebook after baby: After hitting "Post," you will receive the following pop-up messages:

Are you sure about this?

What would your mother think if she read this?

You do know that future employers will look at your Facebook account, right?

Nothing on the Internet every goes away. Ever.

Look out! Your dad is right behind you!

Psych. But really, do you still want to post this?

Okay. We'll post it. P.S. we're also going to give your grandparents your password.

Images via Alex Milan Tracey/Corbis; Mareen Fischinger/Corbis; Westend16/Corbis; Kevin Dodge/Corbis; Dreet Production/Corbis; China/Corbis; Sverre Haugland/Corbis; Hiep Vu/Corbis; Maskot/Corbis

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