25 Reasons Moms Are Intensely Jealous Of Their Toddlers

funny toddlerToddlers do and say the darndest things, but the craziest part is that they get away with all of it. Being small means running wild is in your job description, and despite my love of wine, cookies for breakfast, and being able to watch Netflix for as many consecutive hours as I want, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little bit jealous of all the freedom my kiddos get to enjoy. I mean, they get cookies too, but the cookies don't go straight to their thighs. What is this injustice? If you've ever wanted to pull a Freaky Friday with the tiniest tyrant you know, you're certainly not alone.

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Here are 25 reasons most moms are just a little bit jealous of their toddlers:

1. They can get naked whenever they want and no one bats an eye.

2. No one cares if they mispronounce a word. They could accidentally say "supposably" in a board meeting, and everyone would think it was adorable.

3. Pooping in the toilet is a huge accomplishment worthy of praise and rewards. Oh, and candy!

4. They can wear just about anything and look completely stylish and amazing.

5. Feeling overwhelmed? Just throw yourself on the floor and start screaming. It's totally normal and expected.

6. Free time makes up exactly 100 percent of the day. Even preschool and scheduled activities are supposed to be fun and relaxing.

7. It takes zero grooming to look splendid. They were just born that way, baby.

8. They can fall asleep anywhere they want to and everyone will be totally cool with it.

9. They still believe in magic. If you need me, I'll be over here starting a support group for adults who miss Santa.

10. Calories don't count. I mean, they do, but it's not like that ice cream cone is going to give them cellulite. All they have to do is hit a bounce house, and it's all good.

11. Everyone is always eager to snuggle with them.

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12. They're not expected to do chores. Sure, it's because they suck at them, but still. I could start sucking at dishes if that's all it takes to get out of things.

13. Pretty much everything is a huge accomplishment. You turned a door knob? Map out the parade route!

14. They have no idea what regret is. They've never made big decisions, and even the small decisions that ended badly are quickly forgotten as soon as they see a shiny object.

15. They have no insecurities. Hence the frequent nudity.

16. They have an entire team of personal chefs -- mom, dad, uncles, aunts, grandmas -- and they don't have to pay a dime for it.

17. Naps are encouraged and even forced.

18. Restaurants provide them with crayons just for showing up.

19. They don't know what bills are. Or student loans, for that matter.

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20. They are master manipulators, we know it, and we just let them get away with it because oh, so cute.

21. Everyone brings them presents. It doesn't even have to be a special occasion!

22. They get to experience all your favorite books and movies for the first time. Tell me you aren't just counting down the days until they're old enough for Harry Potter.

23. Crying over silly things is still totally acceptable, even in public.

24. When they get tired, get to sit in a super sweet stroller and be chauffeured around.

25. They still think anything is possible -- and for them, it is.

What things does your toddler do that you wish you could still get away with?


Image via © iStock.com/Cristian_Ph

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